“When you think the love you get is conditional than your self-worth is always up for grab. That is when you start promoting or protecting yourself all the time. You believe you have to impress others to get love. And you think to keep love, you have to give that good impression again and again. That’s sad way to live.
You wake up and finally understand there is no way you can achieve enough, gain enough recognition, obtain enough power or own enough thing to get anymore love. You have all the love you need. And you have it from the minute you were born.”
This is book which I read on the weekend. What the author said really delight me. When I in love with someone, I wasn’t me at all. I have to impress him to get his love. The funny thing is I told him that I love him unconditionally and now I found out that I love him conditionally. I have a thinking that even he doesn’t have anything now and I still will love him with all my heart. But if I change the job and not be tough in front of him and I’ll lost him for sure. I lost my self-worth because I was not his priority at all. Even though he told me that he appreciates me but action speak louder than action.
I really don’t know what is on your mind. Am I qualified to be your friend only or business partner? That is why I don’t want to keep in touch with you anymore. Why I should be the one who call you all the time and you never are the person doing so? I have so many questions but I don’t have the answer. I guess to you, I just like the dust and it is so meaningless to you. But for me, you are the one I only love and how I wish that you are last person for me. Maybe… it is the time for me let go..
Seriously, I don’t want to fall in love right now. I badly injured. I need time to recover. I strongly believe that anything I can felt and God can heal!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
tomorrow will be better
Today is not a very good day because I need to recover back from the feeling of losing someone who is very important to me. It is very hard but I know I can do it better on tomorrow.
I’m so proud of myself because I did not cry in front of him. Right now, my tears keep falling down because it is after working hour and this is the only time that I allowed myself to lost attitude.
I have admitted that I really love you so deep. At the same time, I respect your decision.
Today I met a very funny person. One of my clients requests me to become his girlfriend. He willing to do whatever it takes to become my boyfriend. He willing donates RM150 per month to WWF and at the same time became Christian for my sake. I seriously laugh until to maximum point. He keeps on selling himself and told me that he is engineer. When I told him that I got boyfriend (actually I’m not. :p), his answer even great because he said that he willing became my “spare tayar”. I’m really amazed by what he was saying to me but my heart is very small and only for one person.
What you said is true that I can find someone better than you and so many people interest on me. But in my heart, you are the only one I want.
I felt very blessed when I can hold you so tight and listen to your heart beat.
I thank God that I still have You. You are the only in this world will not forsake me. I strongly believe that everything I can felt and God can heal! Hallelujah!
I’m so proud of myself because I did not cry in front of him. Right now, my tears keep falling down because it is after working hour and this is the only time that I allowed myself to lost attitude.
I have admitted that I really love you so deep. At the same time, I respect your decision.
Today I met a very funny person. One of my clients requests me to become his girlfriend. He willing to do whatever it takes to become my boyfriend. He willing donates RM150 per month to WWF and at the same time became Christian for my sake. I seriously laugh until to maximum point. He keeps on selling himself and told me that he is engineer. When I told him that I got boyfriend (actually I’m not. :p), his answer even great because he said that he willing became my “spare tayar”. I’m really amazed by what he was saying to me but my heart is very small and only for one person.
What you said is true that I can find someone better than you and so many people interest on me. But in my heart, you are the only one I want.
I felt very blessed when I can hold you so tight and listen to your heart beat.
I thank God that I still have You. You are the only in this world will not forsake me. I strongly believe that everything I can felt and God can heal! Hallelujah!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
I felt so blessed because of Rev Kong Hee. He is wonderful man of God! Through session with him, I learned a lot and I glad that I can attend most of his session.
In his first day, he teach us about 3 shame barrier which are inheritance shame, impose shame, and actual shame. I was delight by his word which is “ ANYTHING YOU FELT, GOD WILL HEAL”. I believe that God will heal my broken heart. Even though I’m a Christian but I actually done something that is wrong and as a result I hurt myself and the one I love.
The second day is about prayer. The moment you lost your prayer life and at the same time you lost power in your life.
In his last session is about pain. Fear always is a stumbling block that cause people not success.
I was touch by presence of God in every session. He is just so close with us. I even can felt that we are singing in the heaven. He is so real!
Falling in love is very easy but stay in love is very difficult. I think that it is so true. The fear of falling makes you can’t fully convince how much people love you? I don’t know how true it is but at least it is so right for me. I think both of us face a same problem.
In his first day, he teach us about 3 shame barrier which are inheritance shame, impose shame, and actual shame. I was delight by his word which is “ ANYTHING YOU FELT, GOD WILL HEAL”. I believe that God will heal my broken heart. Even though I’m a Christian but I actually done something that is wrong and as a result I hurt myself and the one I love.
The second day is about prayer. The moment you lost your prayer life and at the same time you lost power in your life.
In his last session is about pain. Fear always is a stumbling block that cause people not success.
I was touch by presence of God in every session. He is just so close with us. I even can felt that we are singing in the heaven. He is so real!
Falling in love is very easy but stay in love is very difficult. I think that it is so true. The fear of falling makes you can’t fully convince how much people love you? I don’t know how true it is but at least it is so right for me. I think both of us face a same problem.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
in kfc
Recently, there is a girl who share with me that her boyfriend got another girlfriend. She was crying in front of me. In this fallen world, a lot of people take love for granted. I hope it does not include you who I love the most.
Today is a public holiday but I still working. I wonder when I get the gift from Shi Long. He just came back from Japan. It reminds me that I never see him for more than a year.
Congratulation to you for your promotion, Tim! I always know that you have a great ability. Today I have strong feeling that I already done my part in your life. I give you all the moral support when you are needed. Maybe, it is time for me to move away my focus from you… nowadays; I felt that every word spoken by you does my heart pain. I don’t want to blame anyone because I’m main reason of all things. I do hope that you still can continue to trust people.
Haha.. I make my preparation to my Pulau Lang Tengah Trip. Yahoo~~ to be frank, I don’t have any experience to travel alone. You are the only one who get my sms that I do hope that I can go with you. Regardless what is the outcome, I know that I’ll be there.
This week I truly know that manage the people is not an easy job. I have to make sure all the thing is running smooth and I need to push my people and myself all the time by showing the result. 100% responsible and blame myself if my people can’t perform. The most important is my attitude lesson. Every time, I need to remind myself all the time that I can’t be hash when give an advice to people. I was complaint by others that the way I speak does hurt people’s heart. Don’t be BOSSY!
Today is a public holiday but I still working. I wonder when I get the gift from Shi Long. He just came back from Japan. It reminds me that I never see him for more than a year.
Congratulation to you for your promotion, Tim! I always know that you have a great ability. Today I have strong feeling that I already done my part in your life. I give you all the moral support when you are needed. Maybe, it is time for me to move away my focus from you… nowadays; I felt that every word spoken by you does my heart pain. I don’t want to blame anyone because I’m main reason of all things. I do hope that you still can continue to trust people.
Haha.. I make my preparation to my Pulau Lang Tengah Trip. Yahoo~~ to be frank, I don’t have any experience to travel alone. You are the only one who get my sms that I do hope that I can go with you. Regardless what is the outcome, I know that I’ll be there.
This week I truly know that manage the people is not an easy job. I have to make sure all the thing is running smooth and I need to push my people and myself all the time by showing the result. 100% responsible and blame myself if my people can’t perform. The most important is my attitude lesson. Every time, I need to remind myself all the time that I can’t be hash when give an advice to people. I was complaint by others that the way I speak does hurt people’s heart. Don’t be BOSSY!
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