it's been so long that i did not update my blog. life is good.

since i'm starting work for maxis, i deep into my work again. thanks for my busy work, i don't even have time to think other including you. by this time, you should be very busy prepare your weeding. i don't like to watch movie because after this all i thought is about u.

thanks for pastor Tan and God, i was remind to serve Him again.. great that i transfer into KLCC, i able to do so.

i trully believe i will find someone better than you. God'll provide for me..

baby, bye bye

today is his birthday..
nothing be done..

i told myself from today onwards, he is out of my life.
bye... wish u all the best! happy birthday, baby..

16 june

Today is my birthday. It is absolutely a normal birthday. I don’t have any intention to celebrate it at all.

I think I rewarded my mother and not me. Today is the day I free~~~ yeah! The agreement between lee choo and me ended. I free to fall in love again! Haha…. I think that she is forgetting already.

tuesday

Today, I purposely to go KLCC to buy the shoes I long for. This is the shoes which I want to buy on two months ago. The reason of not purchase it because that time I just quit the job and it is not wise to buy the expensive stuff while you do not have any income. I was sad that the shoes is gone, argh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I can’t find it at other location also.

After that, I went to Kinokuniya to read the books. One of the books I was read is love novel. One of the article is really reflected part of my real life. The female character is self-center, hot temper, love to control, not gentle, and always want to win. (Oops! it is me, my God!) The male character is a very capable person, super attractive and always busy. (Sounds like someone) When they are in the relationship, the male character always late and give empty sweet promise (Whoa! I wonder that she write my story, haha..) In the end, they are broken up. After few years, the female character remains as single and working is her life. (My God, do you know me? Aiyoo.. Is me wo.. ) The male character looks back to her again and wanted to be with her again (Phew.. i know you are not write about me because this is the part did not apply in my life. It is because that guy did not love me at all). Story ended with both of them did not end together. Even though they still love each other but they remain apart.

This is the real life. Most of the people did not spend the rest of their life with the one they love at most. Just like the shoes, once missed it and it is not more.

But, I decided to be different. What I did is I kept telling myself that I definitely can find another shoes which is I love better than this. Life still carry on, we should look forward and not the backward. The moral of story is next time when you saw something you really love, grab it and do not let it go again.

Life is short, we should be thankful to God for every memory in our life. Jesus, I love you!

so long

It’s been so long that I did not update my blog. After the service with Pastor Kong, I hope that I can change.

Frankly speaking, I have strong desire not to fall in to love again. For men, once they are broken up, they can turn away totally from you. Next second, they will fall in with another girl. For women, once they are broken up, they still dwell inside and very hard to get out.

My confession is : When you decided not to love me, you can turn aside and fall in love with another girl. You can get married with your love one. My answer is you just simply not love me at all. For me, it takes me a year to forget you. My heart is as hard as ice, can’t open to other people. I know that I’m silly. I chose not to connect you again. However, your unintentionally joke drive me crazy. A love sign means nothing to you. For me, a person who is getting married soon sends a love sign to me. What can I said? Can I call you bloody idiot?

Well, it is passed. I’m fine. I just felt that it is hard for to fall in love again. I don’t know how to love people. I just don’t understand that why love God is so easy but love people is so hard. Human is complicated.

I pray for my next one is love and love me, I just need to felt secure when I’m with him. I think his body must big enough, hahaha…

working nicole

Tomorrow is going to be a great day! I will start my new job, haha.. Nothing special about it and it is because Maxis paid me quite high then I just accepted it.

I’ll became a very normal people lor.. I wonder how long I can stand for this kind of job because it is not challenging at all.. haha..

Last Tuesday, we were celebrated Li Pau’s birthday at Chili, KLCC. When we were waiting to be seated, there is a guy also there and he is handsome. There is why he got my attention. Can you imagine that he is waiting for someone without lost his smile, I like it very much. We have a good time together. At the night I was very happy and I laugh like crazy. It is good that we can have a good time with friends.

Last time my friend told me that no one is going to write his real emotion at blog. I still remember that there is someone comment me that “why love here n love there, so the reality who you really love?” The funny thing was that person doesn’t even dare to pen down his real name, so you don’t aspect me to give you a good answer. I just felt it was really funny. There is why people can’t be sincere? There is why people hide their emotion even in his blog? Be true to yourself.

I still remember I mention someone’s name many time especially Tim. He was my past-tense. He was the person who I really pour out my whole heart to love to. Human being is emotional. I still remember that “it only takes you a few seconds to like someone, a few minutes to fall in love, but it takes whole life to forget someone who you love.” It is because I really love him before that is why I will remember him always. He is getting married soon and we are not longer together.

爱

最近很努力的看木村拓哉主演的日剧，其中的一部是从天而降亿万颗星星，他在剧中是一个恶魔，而女主角对他说了一句话，“就算全世界的人与你为敌，我还是会站在你这里。”

自作孽，不可活。虽然如此，我想如果那个人是木村拓哉，我也是会说一样的话。这也难怪，许多人为情所困，无可救药，明知他不可能给你幸福，你还是会陷进去的。也明知道他是在利用着你，你也会为他不顾一切。然后，当你回首觉得自己很笨，但是如果再来一次，你还是会做回原本的选择，这样未免也太傻了吧。。

虽然，我是一个理智的人，但是我还是一样是个笨女人。除非我不爱你，要不然我也是会为爱奋不顾身。

爱情是一个天大的学问，如果它是一个科目，而现在的我一定是不及格的。与其如此，倒不如把自己搞好，那一天不管是谁都要好好对待他。我的下一个你，我会好好珍惜你的。

no more holiday

My holiday is ended soon.. I’m going to step into work place again. Right now, my goals and vision is so clear.

Firstly, I’ll work inside Maxis call center. I also do some MLM works. After this, I take some time to learn investment. Regards the product that I’m going to share with you all, I will give you the detail of it as soon as I can.

I will not contact with whoever can affect my emotion. I hate the feeling of care about someone too much. I’m clear about my goals. I’ll put my family as my priority. Every time when I called my mum then I’ll cry. I cried because I did not play my part enough.

Future is filled with uncertainty. I don’t want others to support me. It is because I can’t take it when relationship is turned sour. Just happy to be who I am now..

情是何物

问世间情为何物，只叫人生死相许？

当一个女生爱到了，她会为他奋不顾身。会为他付出所有的一切， 这包括了金钱，青春，肉体或者更多。 如果你是遇到懂得珍惜你的人，今后可说是一身的福气。反之，你是后者的话，只能感叹遇人不淑。

从友人口中得知关于他的故事。。。故事说着一个女生和一个男生从认识到相爱到冷战。其间男生向女生拿了一次又一次的钱，而女生为了帮自己爱人渡过难关，也都一一付出了所有。连最重要的贞节也付出了。。。但是，她得不到他的回报。他们间中有了第三者，她也彻底崩溃了。。

她开始反思这段情，她付出过的一切，天啊！为什么我付出的得不到正比！她向他摊牌，他只说了他不要分手以及会解决另一个她。但是，一切都只是他的花言巧语。这样的关系就这样持续着。。

因为故事中的主角我都相识，我感到惊奇，这件事都已这么久了而我却浑然不知。一个在你身边了这么久你都不了解他，我觉得知人知面不知心。

最近，我在追看日剧，木村拓哉的“change”， 我也明白了原来认真努力的男人最有魅力，那种积极的态度，朝着自己梦想努力奋斗的人，简直就是一百分！我想只有这样的男子才能深深地吸引着我。这也是我为什么之前我对前任男友放不开的原因吧！我在想如果他已不是那个努力工作的人，我也不会喜欢他了吧！他最感动我的一句话不是什么肉麻的话，而是对不起我因为病了而表现不好，我会做得更好的！我想为你努力奋斗的人远远胜过花言巧语的人吧！

姐姐妹妹们，大家就当心了。不要被爱情冲昏了头，要知道没几个男人是靠得住的，理性的面对另一半的要求，不管是性或者是钱财。要知道到最后不管是好是坏你都要自己承担。

而我亲身经历则是不管是性或者是钱财，我都有我的把关点。不管多爱都好，都要守住自己的贞操，我是一个基督徒，我才不想为了谁而把我的神得罪，我必须负责一切的后果，牧师也说过sex outside the marriage is dirty。金钱虽说是身外物，我的就是我的，所以你欠我的请还回。我讲话很绝，我会把你说到很惨，当然有人是领教了我的厉害，最后乖乖与我合作，谢谢！不是我爱计较，我比较情愿把那笔钱当作奉献也不要再和你有任何瓜葛，这就是我的原则。

work start lor..

My first day at the company is horrible. My company is Investment Company while I don’t have any idea about that. They taught me so many things until my mind was blank. I even felt that my head is pain. Argh!!!!! What they told me make me felt that I very stupid because I don’t have any idea about it.

After a good rest, I think to quit this job. Haha… But, I will not gain anything for there. So, I decided to make a change and I want learn how to do investment. So, I switch from the mood of I hate this job to I love this job. Well, it is just like that and it is done.

But, I felt that blessing from God is so much! I get a lot of job offers. Today, I get offer to work as recruiter for IBM. But, it is located at Cyberjaya so I did not take their offer.

After I back slide for a long time, the only thing I done after I quit the job is go back to church. I attend the service, prayer meeting, cell group meeting and Morning Prayer. I want to slide back to God. Especially, the prayer meeting of today, I felt presence of God is so strong and I begin to visualize so many thing. I think that Christian Life is very important to me.

Now, it is month of March! The agreement between Eunice and me ended soon.. I can start dating with other guys again. Wahaha.. My expectation is very high on my partner. I rather alone than suffer in a relationship.

jack

Next week, I’m going to start my new job. I’m very happy happy.

Through the job last time, I have become a super workaholic. Basically I can have no problem to work 7 days a week. I just enjoy the work so much. *wink wink*

Talking about Jack, I have a lot of sad story. I wonder how I can accept him to humiliate me in front of the public. He used to beat me also. I still remember that he used the book to beat me also. Actually, he has no right to do this to me. The reason which was I allowed him to do so because I owe him something. Something that is I also forgets already. I chose stay there even Tim asked me to help him and in the end Jack is the part of reason cause us to break up. Jack even so proudly to admit in the public that he is the one of the reason of our broken off. I chose to stay there when Rico asked me to out of the company together with him.

In the end, he confronts and scolded me because of the person he knows less than 2 weeks. I was so sad to talk to him that you do all this because of him, Fine! I quit! I still remember that the way he talks to me was very sarcastic. In my heart, I’m not going to care whatever you want to say because it is a last time.

I have enough to all this. When the time is up, sorry! I will not tolerant again. Bye.. Actually I wanted to quit a job for a long time, but I just can’t find any reason. Since he has given me this opportunity then I will not hesitate to do so. I not really hate him and I just not agree the way he deals the issues.

I not really learnt a lot of thing from him. When I have a problem, I will only talk to Jeff or Tim. I’m seldom to talk to him about my problem because I don’t trust him. Jack also agrees with this. It is because he is not integrity at all.

Isn’t kind of open talk about someone? Well, in the this world so many people is called Jack, unless you think that you are who I talk about then you are..

new beginning

Now, the time is 1:54am. It is a very early morning. I’m awake and I can’t sleep because I have too much sleep in the day time.

Currently, I still jobless. I will begin the new job as the assistant manager in the next week. Whoa~~ they offered me RM4000 per month, I wonder how true is that. No matter what, I will work hard to fulfill the requirement. I want the money to realize my dream.

This is another page of my life; I was so surprised that the person who was beside me when I was down was Rico. Well, he did not do anything but he did console me a lot. The person who I thought was a devil previously. Wahaha~~ No doubt that something which came out his mouth is not genuine at all and he did it for some purpose. Anyhow, Rico thanks a lot! I think that the reason was we have a common people who is we dislike most!

Through Rico, I found that Jack has cheated me a lot of the thing. Haih… the businessman is like this. He is a cunning businessman. He is neither a good nor bad person. He just did all the thing for his own good. This is a secret of success man. I did not mean that Rico is a good guy. They just did the thing which is benefiting them the most.

Since we are living in the fallen world, then we don’t expected so much. It is so hard to get a true friend. I have met SK after I quit the job; her recreation is she was kept mock at me. Well, I did not angry at all. I just wonder how bad she was, her purpose is to see how we were fall. My advice to her is not to do it again or else you will get karma. When it goes around and it is comes around. Watch out your tongue!

Through out all things, Tim Ng, I felt very disappointed about your emotionless. Yes! I refer to you, Timothy Ng. Why you can be cruel to me?

This is my brand new start. So, whoever I need to set aside and I’ll do it right now. I will not contact them anymore especially Timothy Ng.

Bye bye to my past. Your are welcome to my future. Even thought I have lost the job but I have gain back the peace from God. After so much, God still faithful to me and his unfailing promise which is he will never forsake me. Thanks, my wonderful God, my heavenly Father!

tmr

i'm damn tired now.. after a trip to skytrex. tomorrow i got job interview. wish me all the best! nicole tan, gambate! yes! u can do it!

quit

Wow! I have another big fight with Jack again. Hence, I decided to quit the job. It is in my mind for a long time. Finally, I can do whatever I want to do. Bye.. JTM.. Bye.. Idiot Jack..

He always treats me as a servant. Do this and that. I can’t rest even is a public holiday. With this not basic salary, I suffer fucking hard. I need to do anything because he wants. My passion towards this is gone..

Thanks for Rudy Khoo, I can use this as excuses to run away, yeah! I have enough for all because he blames me for everything.

nicole need to be changed

I need to readjust myself. It’s time to change. All this while, I have been practiced “I” centric. It was so traditional. I need to breakthrough because I have been breakdown for a very long time.

Now, I need to practice “we” centric. It is all about fellowship not followership.

I need to become brand new NICOLE on 2009.

vision 2009

Vision 2009

January
Rebuilt back my team.

February
Hit team leadership criteria.

March
Develop my team leader within my team.

April
Hit assistant manager.

May
Go to travel after my goal is achieved. Pulau Lang Tengah.

June
Start hunt back my relationship.

July
Hit manager.

August
Start my new office at bukit bintang.

More to came…

2009

What a super bored day!! I trapped in the office and done some admin stuff. I guess that I’m not suitable for office job.

For the past 1 month, my life is extremely down. I lost Rico and Ben at the same time. Due to some conflict, they are not work with me anymore. I upset about it. I even cry for it. I understand that the reality is cruel and I decided to let it go. I’ll be fine.

When Rico’s birthday, I called him and greet him. I very disappointed with what he said. He thought that the reason I called him because I’m lonely. After that, he knows that I’m doing quite well in event, he try to source out the information about how I’m doing. Well, its fine and I don’t mind to give him some guide. But, the way he asked me and make me felt totally disappointed. His intention is make used of me is my conclusion.

I never forget that the way of how he talks to me in out last conversation. Just less than a month, he has changed so much. I glad that I have make a right choice by stay where I’m. I can’t imagine if I go to help him and kick me out after my value is gone. It is so scary!

I remember that Ben told me that he hate people who talks a lie. I start to think how true it is. Because of this case, HE CHEATS ME! One thing he different from Rico is he never make used of me.

The friends who used to so close to you, just turn around they can turn from angel to devil. What can I do in this fallen world. Oh my God! What I can do is just trust to God but no one else. Don’t be emotional anymore, Nicole!