迷惘

迷失在人来人往的街道，我漫无目的的走着。对于陌生的景物，沉重的心大大盖过恐惧感。此时的我真想打电话向你你求救，想问你可以出现吗，我真得很需要你，我需要你的肩膀让我依靠，但想想还是不要给你造成任何困扰，我无助走着一段不属于自己该走的路。


乱了，望着这么陌生的一切，我只想走进书店沉浸在只有书的世界。最后，还是硬着头皮向一个警卫问路。真可笑！我的目的地只是隔了一条街。为什么明明看到那座建筑物，还往着反方向走。。


走进一间书局，待了一会儿决定该回家了。却和一位看我看到失神的男士对上眼，他不好意识的看向别的方向，我则面无表情离开那间店。我想他应该是认错人了吧！


吴淡如说，面对感情的失意，我们必须面对它而不是逃避。爱情是双方面的，两方相依，而不是一方严重依赖另一方，像寄生虫般。

haih..

Today is not a good day. I should have an interview on the evening but it was canceled on the last minute. I was in Star Transit already. Just left a station I’ll reach destination.

He even called me to confirm with me before I went for interview. When I was walked, he called me again but it is dangerous for answer the call so I can’t answer his call.

When I was walking, I realized my shoe’s heel is broken. Luckily, I still can wear it to walk. Not bad, I still can wear it to shopping in Petaling Street.

After that, the HR manager called me again and asked me to came again on Wednesday. What? I got an exam on Thursday. The manager refused to follow my schedule. I wonder should I skip this interview. Waste my time, effort, and money to go there.

HR manger: The manager said he can’t on Thursday to interview me.

Can we make it on Wednesday on 3pm?

Me: Ok lor. (I’m in bad mood already; do I still stand a chance to say no?)

HR manager: So, what time you want?

Me: 3pm (actually I want to said, are you ok? You are the one told me on 3pm leh)

In my heart, I have strong desire to skip this interview.

LOL.. Make me angry then purposely called dear Ting Fang.

meaning

Yesterday, I went for making marriage work course at my church. Wow.. What my pastor talk about is absolutely right for me.

What a girl said actually they are not meant it

i) Fine – girls attempted to end an argument. So men, better shut up!

ii) 5 minute – actually more than that. :p

iii) Nothing – calm before storm.

iv) Go ahead – when you told her about your decision, actually she is not permits you to do so even she said go ahead.

v) Loud voice – volume getting higher to show disagree

vi) That’s ok – apply on how and when you pay a bill for her

vii) Thanks – a word seldom use by girl

What a man said

i) I don’t care the color you painted, blue, red, pink, purple, black, green, yellow expect white

ii) It’s guy’s talk - rational talk

iii) It is hard to explain to you, it is too long – actually they are not idea about how it was

iv) Take a break – I can’t hear sound of TV, please turn off vacuum

v) It’s interesting – stop talking

vi) I have headache – too lazy to go out

In Kherlit’s blog, she mention about after go through the course she can be a good wife in future. It is only true for her. I think it is not apply on me. Because of I’m without any reason.

one more

Finally, I left one more paper to go.

Even though I still very busy. Tomorrow, I’ll spend my whole day in church. Monday, I’ll go Bukit Jalil for an interview. The interview time is a bit late and it is on 5.30pm. Erm.. I’m not sure about the job and I just go there for interview. Aiya.. People might not hire me. Just do my best.

Sometimes, I’m thinking what kind of friend I was in front of you. When people not believe in you, I still chose to trust you. What can I get? It is all about another pain. When you wrongly criticism me, you can pretend nothing happen but I still chose to forgive even my heart is pain. Maybe, you only want to be receiver.

Rev. Dr. Robb mention about there will be 3 kind of person in our life

i) Comprises always trying to get you to compromise your standards.

ii) Companions are those that are willing to accept you as you are, but no intention of working with you for your improvement.

iii) Commitments are those who are undeniably tied to helping you enter the future.

I still chose to love you because you are my friend.

男人与女人

男人是视觉的动物，女人是属感性的，这是我和朋友一起吃早餐的结论。

这就是所以有太多美女与野兽的组合，而帅哥和丑女组合较少。我身边有太多真实例子，女生都是大美女，而她们的男友的样子平庸，因为女生不是视觉动物。

女人确实属于感性的，所以女生对触觉是敏感的。所以，如果男生吗，不要随便动女生，尤其你对她没有意思，不要乱牵她的手哦。。

word of God

James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Before I went in exam hall, I read a harvest times which is a publication of City Harvest Church Singapore. I found these bible verses are speak into my heart. I found the peace that I longing for.

Word of God tells us that we should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. Many of time, we are more likely to speak rather than listen and we quickly get angry over what people told us.

Bible verses delight my day.

tuesday night

I was felt so blessed in Rev. Dr. Robb Thompson’s conference.

In book of 1 King 11, But King Solomon loved many foreign women, as well as the daughter of Pharaoh: women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites- from the nation of whom the LORD had said to the children of Israel, “You shall not intermarry with them, nor they with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love.

It clearly shows that who you marry is matter. These words are rooted in my heart, so I’ll take marriage seriously from this moment. Making right decision in relationship determined the outcome of your life.

Keep on looking, not felt discourage and keep on asking; it shall be open to you. In bible, book of Matthew 7: 7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, it will be opened for you.” This is promise of God, I will cling on it.

I have many plans after I graduated. I will attend the extra training courses in school, serve in church, and hopefully can go for emerge Singapore. Life is so meaningful. My desire to get marry is not that much. It will do when he comes in my life. I’m waiting for you…

THANKS

Special thanks to Boon Pei, Ann Chee, Lushim & anyone who involved for BIM case study’s answer. And……………Max combined answer and distributed to us.

I have to say thanks a lot! It is good to have you all as my BIS course mate.

I just love you all so much!

clear..

Tomorrow is my first day for exam. Surprisingly it did not bring much effect on me. My heart is restless when a song eternal flame was played.

I have strong desire to get married! I just want to get married without dating. I think I’ll mad soon. After that, one of my best friends has invited me for her wedding. Isn’t related? I don’t know. The wave was getting high.

Infatuation is a word describes my feeling for past few days. It does lead me into temptation of desire of flesh. Sometimes, it is good to be friend with a wise man. They will give you a pierce of good advice. I realize that I still immature when I make a decision.

Don’t take marriage slightly because God takes it seriously. Marriage is all about process and journey. You have to spend your whole life with him. Be wise! I’ll attend marriage course hold in my church to widen up my knowledge. My pastor said you will never know maybe your future husband is inside the same auditorium and both of you listen to same message. Wow… nice advertising and it does touch my heart to attend it.

I thank God for my brother and sister in Christ. Without your all guidance, I’ll be in big trouble. I just love you so much! Thanks. World of God? The choice is God, I’m running back to you now.

difference

The difference between the guy who interest on you and the guy who not interest on you

The guy who interest on you	The guy who not interest on you
He will ask you out	He will never ask you out
He eager to spend time with you	He reluctant to spend time with you
He will call you	He will never call you
He will look at you when he speaks to you	His mind is wondered when he speaks to you even he is look at you
He wants your full attention	He don’t need your attention
Even he is busy, he will never neglect you	He lazy to bother you when he is not free to entertain you
He care about you all the time	He care about you when he is free
He will respect you because he means it	He will respect you to show that he is gentleman
His view fall on you alone	Even you just beside him, he pretended that you are visible
He is interest all the thing about you	He is not interest to know about you
He hope can spent time with you alone	He avoided to spend time with you alon

The choice that you make today will determine where you stand on tomorrow. Be wise with your choice. I decided to put God first wherever I make a choice.

hand

“前一阵子去听冯姐和李哥的“爱情麻辣汤”，冯姐也奉劝女生别轻易让男人牵自己的手。她说女人让人牵手就会将感情通通透过那一只手传送到对方身体里。也就是说女人会因为牵手而付出生命的一切。所以男人也要小心，以免牵手以后分手会粉碎那个女孩的一生。”

This is what I copied from Michelle’s blog. Attention to all girl, don’t simply let the guy holds your hands. When a boy holds girl’s hands, the feeling of love will spread out from her to him. Girl will pay all she can because the boy holds her hands. So, all the men must aware of this, or you will break her heart.

I rise up my hand and my feet to support her view. Somebody said ring finger is linked with the heart. When you holds her hand and you actually touch her heart.

Because of you hold my hand, I give all I can to you. Because of you hold my hand, I give my heart to you. Because of you hold my hand, I know how to love. Because of you hold my hand, my focus only on you. Because of you hold my hand…...

days in hometown

I was having wonderful time with my family. My mum was very happy with what we did for her birthday. Roses were her gift. She was overjoyed with it. It is proven again that girl likes roses no matter how young or old they are.

As I traveled back to KL, I met my ex-classmate whose name is Chee Heng. His seat was in front of me. I chatted with him around 45 minute. Once before, he was my class monitor. His house is nearby with my one. If we have extra class, he will fetch me back to my house.

We seldom talked in the class even in the car. Many of time, he will played Jay Chou’s song and sings along with it. Sometimes, I don’t like followed his car because we are not even talk in the car. After graduated from secondary school, we never met each other again. The funny thing is today we have ever long talk.

Once before, I worked as temporary teacher in primary school. I met one of my students but he was shy to call me. His mother was my colleague over there. She informed me that he is secondary student now. Suddenly, I felt that time is passed so fast. Three years ago, I was his teacher and he was standard 4 students. Now, he is secondary student and I'm graduate soon. I felt that I’m old.

It’s good to go back to spend time with my family and met someone who you never expected. I just love it so much.

my mood is bad!

I should be in Pudu by then but I can’t move myself to there.

I very dislike being pushed by someone. I know that my mum’s birthday hence I planed to go back. Then, my sis called me and mention about this to me. I planned to go back for few days. The following week, she called me everyday. The discussion is all about whether I confirmed to go back or not and commanded me to go back early.

Frankly, I know that what I should do. The call from her insists me to go back early on yesterday. My anger is arisen. I told her that you make me felt that I don’t want to go back. I stopped our conversation before I’m implored. Then, I received her call again in next minute. Arghhh…………………………………………… But, I still manage control my anger and answered her call politely.

Then, my sis messaged me a very long sms to lecture me. I choose to bear it by not reply her.

Truly, I don’t like other people to nag me expect my mum. If you are keeping nag me, you only make me headache. Please! I admitted that I don’t good temper, so please don’t try me!

Am I bad? Am I having bad attitude? Yes, I’m. Jesus, please take my wheel. Every area of my life is so mess...

slide show

self photo

I like this photo very much.

This is my photo. Phew… not that bad. Will try to get more from my friends.

a day in school before exam

Today is special day for me. I spent my whole day in school for photo taking. I so exhausted.

Special thanks to Anne who helps me to make up. Thanks a lot! Actually, I don’t really like to make up because I look like turned to another person. I’ll step into working life soon so I can’t avoid it. I should learn how to make up now.

After that, we have met my president of my university. During the refreshment, she talked to us. She is a nice lady. I don’t like talk to this kind of person because she definitely to forget who am I and the talk is blank.

One of the officers in UTAR is very nice; she shared a lot thing with us. I very appreciate the time spent with her. Nice~~ at the end of our talk, she thought that I’m a singer. Haha.. She is very surprised that I’m the student.

If I not make up, people will think that I’m younger. As I went for career fair hold in Mid Valley and I met my hometown’s friend there. Her friend can’t believe my age. Wow… :p happy. My conclusion is make up makes me look old.

I’ll upload my photo soon.

stay

My final exam is just around corner. It is my last exam for my student life. Continue to study to get master degree? My answer is NOT for the moment.

After that, I have to apart with my university’s friends. I really can’t felt anything. People are comes in and out in my life, I have learn to get used of it.

Finally, I chose to stay in KL first. This is a guide from God. I believe that He revealed His plan for me. Now, I’m very clear where should I be. Thanks God for all that.

Recently, my cell group leader is kind of nervous when she knows that I might leave here. She cares me so much and my heart felt so warm. I’ll never forget about you who asked me to stay here whether you means or not. Haha.. The word you said and the song you sang. I do care even my reaction are not. Sorry, I’m the person who is slow in response.

Since I choose to stay here, I think I will join choir in my church. I stepped out to serve really out of my plan. This is new challenger for my life. The reason of not serve is I afraid I’ll be kind of person will burned out and lost my passion to my God. The test is so tough and I pray I can overcome!

Good friday

Good Friday but I did the worst thing. Oh my God!!!

Very sorry to Jimmy, due to miscommunication end up you have to take a cab to go cell group. I never expected this kind of thing will happen. I promise I’ll never repeat again.

I’m felt so guilt about it. Even thought I was sit inside the car. This is terrible moment that I ever have. It drives me mad. I’m so sorry.

On my way heading to cell leader house, a voice of devil keeps haunting me. “Oh, see what you have done?” “You are disappointing somebody?” “How you can be so irresponsible?” it does drive me crazy. I have intention try not to attend the cell group. After that, I convinced myself by not do so. Well, since I make a mistake, just admit it that I’m wrong.

After that, I stepped into lift. I eventually go to 17^th floor while my destination is 18^th floor. I thought that why cell group changed the place but nobody is told me. Super blur!After that, I finally knew that I make a mistake.

Why we called today as Good Friday? 2000 year ago, a man chooses to die on the cross for us and use his blood to cleanse to wash away our sin. He became intermediate between God and us so that we can stand before the Lord again. If not his forgiveness, I wonder how to overcome the devil’s word. If not him, the sin I committed today and who can came to take it away?

His name is Jesus, my Lord and my Savior. Thank you for what you done on 2000 years ago and cleanse from unrighteousness. I keep my focus on You alone.

我笨

我嘲笑自己的愚昧，笑我又笨又傻，心不止叹气。谁来把我从流沙拉起？世界不会因为一个人离开了而有什么改变，它会依旧美好。

我对未知不再恐惧，却有了另一份坚定。也许就是顾虑太多，才让自己不能理性做出判断。恨啊！

也许，我已厌倦泪水，讨厌这颗任性的心。我只想逃离。。。

大家都要好好活着。。感谢耶稣，给我继续下去的勇气。。

不想在那个圆圈绕个不停，我很累，我要出来！！！请释放我。。。

felt bad

I felt bad! Canteen aunty treats me so nice. Aiyo..

There is canteen in my hostel with many different stalls. One time, I order her food. She is so nice, she give me the food featuring with a free drink. Oklah, this is trick to win over customer. I understood.

Today, I went down for dinner again. This time round, I ordered food from other stall. There is a girl who same table as me ordered her food. Unsurprising, she offered her a free drink. Oklor, since I not order her food and I not aspect I can get a free drink from her.

When the moment she looked at me, she is mumble something like I want gives her a drink. My sense was correct, she indeed offer me a free drink. When she gives me a free drink, I shock when I looked at her.

Erm… what I can say? Actually, I don’t really like her food. But, how? Should I buy something from her to cease my guilt?

It makes me thought that when the love you give is not return back. What would you do? Will you continue to love even you know that the person is not love you? I learnt before that we love not because we want the love back. Love of God is greater compare with any other love in the earth. His love to us remains faithful.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Yes. His love to us is great! He can give us his only son, Jesus to die on the cross to wash away our unrighteousness, so we can stand before Him again.

coffee bean

I went out together with my group assignment member to coffee bean to do assignment. I really like the environment over there. Everything is nice. Environment is nice, drink is nice, music is nice, dessert is nice, service is nice and price is definitely is “nice” also.

Even I have internet service in my room but I enjoyed the moment over there. I like there more. Now, I know the reason why some people like to kill the time over there. It really makes people felt comfortable.

While we are doing our work, we do chat a while. Our discussion is about “fall in love”. When girl is fall in love and they are falling inside. On the other hand, when a boy falls in love then they just fall in love. Nothing much changes in their life. There is a huge difference. I just wonder why and how.

I’m waiting for you to come in my life. Who is the one? I still wait for…

serve in His house

Today is a great day. In the end of service, I was being challenging to serve choir ministry in the church even only for 3 months by a voice. What should I said? I keep convince myself that it is just an illusion. On the stage, you need makeup and dress nicely. For your information, I can’t do both of them well. I don’t even know how to make up. My dressing is very casual one.

After that, I decided to ask my cell group leader. I was confused because I still not sure whether I’ll keep staying here or not. Lee Choo advised me to join usher ministry first. I decided to listen to her advice because she is my leader.

Just now, a case happened in my hostel. A girl attempted to commit suicide by jumping from building. Out of curiosity, I’m out to check. When I was there, I can’t see anything. I was rebuked by Holy Spirit; I should pray for safety of that person and not join the crowd.

Not matter how bad thing is happened, you chose to end your life is irresponsible way to solve problem and it can’t be forgiven. No wonder reach out to the lost is a must. When people lost the purpose in life, they need support badly.

Yeah! Usher ministry, here I am to serve. Haha..