2007

Wow! 2008 just around the corner!

2007 has become another memory for me. Thank for 2007, I truly experience a lot!

I have face dramatically changes from student to working adult and also from single get into love relationship and back to single again.

Well, I enjoy my single status and I still don’t know how balance my life with another person. Yes, I think I’m selfish and I don’t want sacrife for everyone’ sake. I can’t cope with lifestyle like that.

I still love Jerry but it does not mean that I will reconcile with him again. I think he also doesn’t want. Sometimes, my heart will still pain whenever think about him but I believe God will heal and cure.

To love Jerry,
Sometimes, I don’t understand why you purposely want to hurt me. In front of me, you called other girl as your wife and have close relationship with another girl. I don’t understand why you do so. I think you want me to give up you completely. When every time you do so, it does drive me crazy and I want explore! But I still maintain my attitude and cry back behind you.

I think my friend is right, I’m so fake in front of you. I think you also. Why we end up like this? Why we keep hurting each other?

I truly thank God for delight me! I don’t keep hatred in my heart and I don’t want to blame anyone. God teach me a lesson which is let go and still love.

When the moment I chose forgive and forget, my heart does not pain again for the moment. I found out the greatest love in this world is love of God to me.

I still love you my lao gong, Jerry. But let us not to hurt each other again. I know I lost you forever already. Don’t worry, no matter what happen I won’t go back to you again. I respect your decision.

Everything is happen by choice and not by chance. My choice is still remain let you go and your choice is our relationship should not go on. Alright, let us stick the choice that we already make. Maybe we are not mean to be together.

lose you

It has been so long I did not online at all. I have face crisis in my love life and I lose him.

I thought it will perfectly well to me but actually are not. Whenever he is closer, my heart is pain and my tears want to drop down.

Thanks for Suki! You are truly my buddy! Thank for your patient to listen my phone call and asked me not to cry. I was crying while I was speaking to her.

On the yesterday night, I was crying badly and sadly until I don’t know how to stop it. So, I decided to call Suki again. After a long talk, I found out that how bad I was to him. I really need to make decision whether to stay or move on.

When I was found out I’m the one who make mistake, I stop crying and thinking about the decision I should make.

Maybe, we will remain as friend or.. I don’t know and I don’t have any idea.

To love Jerry,

Sorry for all thing. I know I’m unreasonable all the time. I know you are so tired dealing with me. Why you refuse to say anything and comment about me?

I always said I’m willing to let you go but I couldn’t did it.

At least, we should cool down first. My trust to you is too little because I’m selfish and I want protect myself from being hurt by others. While you said, I don’t think we should go on. Without hesitate, I agree with you.

Right now, I would not beg you to come back to my life again. Maybe we should where we stay and remain as friend.

When the time with you, I totally lost balance in my career, family, friend and religion life.

Right now, I do like the feeling that I have more focus in my career rather than you. I was motivated to do all the thing to grow my team because I don’t have anyone to depend on. Do or die! Even I go back to you, I can’t overcome that and I think break up still will become our ending.

Learn to be more independent!

幸福

我是一个不善于表达的人，不喜欢对外人说私人的事。所以，很多亲密朋友并不是很了解我。即使不高兴，我宁愿选择一个人偷偷哭泣而不对人诉苦。

因为假日，所以多了和老公相处的时间。坦诚相对，互相说了很多心里话。说着说着，把心中的不满都说了出来，眼泪跟着就流了下来，没想到因此让我们的关系更进一步。

老公说的话蛮感动我的，因为这个机会让他更了解我，发现他很爱很爱我这个什么事都收在心底的傻瓜，偶然发现我们两个有很多相似的地方。

前几天，跌倒到很糟糕，整个人叭在地上。老公特地来照顾我并且很心疼得为我擦药，还蛮感动的。

我想所谓的幸福就是如此，有爱你的人在你身边疼惜着你。

爱你的日子

有时候发现自己会做一些傻事，恋爱中的女人会变笨？也许是吧！担心着他，即使下着大雨也挡不住这颗要见他的心。

但是，因为自己的傻引起更大的麻烦。最后，老公严厉谴责我。当他骂完我后，叫我给他感想，他紧紧握着我的手，仿佛知道我会中途跑掉。我说一会儿，就发现我的眼泪要留下了，甩开了他的手，跑离现场，不愿让他看到我的眼泪决堤。

还好我够理智，即使多么生气他，还是告诉他了。最后，他打了我电话，我们才一起回家。也因为我们争吵，他错过他的最后一班巴士。结果，真的是一起回家，第一次带男人回我的家。

和他谈了很多，他教了我很多事。这还是我毕生以来，迟睡没有乱发脾气，我只睡了大约三小时，但叫老公起床却花了超过一个小时。经理还是很担心，他最怕就是我们两个发生意外，造成无法挽救的遗憾。我还以为经理会叫我去问话，但是他却奇迹般的不过问一切。是不是对我太失望了？还好，我们并没有发生特别的事。

争吵并没有我们的距离拉远，反而把我们扣得更近。老公很担心有一天我会突然从他的生命中消失，他会找不到我。这确实是我想过的，那一天忍不住了，行李一收，回老家让他一辈子也别想再见我。所以，老公总是想要做些什么锁住我，他还真怕我就这样离开他。因为和他一起，压力还真是很大，压得透不过气的那天，我就这样走了，永远都找不回了。

我的错

昨天，经理特地和我一起工作，真得蛮压力的。结果，被他骂到很惨，因为做错很多事。

其实，他说得很对，我是该成熟一点，有时的我的确很幼稚，很没大没小。如果现在不要进步，就无法像老公一样领着大队。虽然，我真得很不爽被他从头到脚批评到很惨。但是，我的确错了，我应该进步。

老公一看到我的表情，就知道肯定发生了事情。但是，我没有时间和他沟通。经理不准我们一起回家，很想抱着老公。看着老公担心的眼神，一扫阴霾，再一次肯定了我的选择。

也许，就像老公说得那样，我们很早就开始了，只是我们都没有发觉。两颗紧紧相扣的心，无法分开，所以我们才会发展的很快。

前天，发生一件大事。当老公和我的同事一起走向巴士站时，突然一个巨型大轮胎从某一架罗里松脱掉了下来。那个轮胎从上面的公路掉至下面的公路，就差那么一步，我的同事差点变成肉饼。当时的老公站在后面，被这一幕吓倒了。还对我说，如果他们发生意外，他会一辈子心里不安。

当老公心有余悸告诉我们时，他真的很害怕。这时的我却是傻傻的，感叹着生命是如此渺小。老公突然拥着我说，他真的很怕。他更害怕当时的我在那里，如果是我遇到当时的情景，他一定会哭，还好我并没有在那里。看着他的眼眶含着眼泪对着我说出这番话，让我心疼不已。

生命就是如此，在你不知道时开始，也在你不知道时结束。我感谢着上帝因为此刻的我仍活着，庆幸着有着一位爱着我的人疼惜我。要知道到，世界如此宽阔，能遇到一个你爱的人和爱你的人并不容易，既然我已遇到了，说什么我都不会轻易放手。

谢谢老公，我爱你！

我是一个大女人?

我是一个大女人？有时吧！在人前，我爱当大女人，在人后，我是小女人。就因如此老公中招了！

老公怎么说也是一个公司的领导人，而我却是不顾他的面子，狠狠在人前把他踩在脚下。要不是老公说出，我还真不知。下次，我一定会小心。

我的人缘顶好的，老公蛮吃醋的，看到我和别的男人太好，会心理不适。虽然心里甜滋滋，知道老公在乎我，但是，我是该对其他男子保持一定的距离。但是我最讨厌虚伪的人，虚情假意的关心，表面上对你好，气球被刺破了，还不是露出你最丑陋的一面。我会毫不留情撤下你的假面具，只因我向忠于自己，少一点麻烦。不想为不值得的人，浪费时间。

情侣最避忌的是吵架时，提起旧情人的名字。你气我就好，何必把另一人的名字提出来。杀伤力真大！老公还真把我气爆了，差点对他发飙。

我想我和老公蛮像的，知道另一方在生气，不管对方说什么气话，心里有气，都会等对方冷静下来，才向对方说。终于明白“忍一时，风平浪静。退一步，海阔天空。”的重要性。

过惯了二十四年单身的日子，现在开始不可以以自己为中心点，也要为我的老公着想。对不起，老公，这个星期让你受了这么多委屈。

还好有你

前两天，我被压力压得透不过气，最可笑的是我竟然没有察觉。当我爆发射出子弹，老公首当其冲是第一个受害者，也有人被我的流弹击中，相信也伤的不轻。

我当然不会对人大吼大叫，但是我讲话够毒。被我的毒液击中是属不幸，除了我老公以外，受害者大概恨我入骨。

当我抱着老公时，老公对我说时，我才发现。此时的我紧紧地抱着老公，感谢上帝让我拥有他。发觉我一直讽刺老公拥有一票支持者，如此受欢迎，我不知自己抱着什么心态说出这些话。不过，老公的回答让我记忆如新，人家说：“不要因为一棵树，而失去整个森林。可是，对于一个花花公子来说，虽然他拥有整个森林，但是没有一棵树是属于他的，当他最需要那棵树时，他却找不到它。”

老公说他对一幕我和他的情景到现在都没有忘记。当时焦急的我赶着去上圣经小组，他载着我去KTM station, 他帮我付了车钱，而且他还摸了摸我的头（老公记得很清楚，可是我已忘了，哈哈。。）我完全忘了他摸我的头的事，当时的他对我已有感觉。当我追寻回去时，意外的发现当时的我只不过才上班五天的社会新鲜人。

紧紧地抱着他时，让我觉着我的人生因他而幸福。我并不需要大福大贵的生活，我只需要在我最彷徨无助时，我可以靠着他的肩膀，紧紧地搂着他，完全不去理会旁人的眼神。

人生最幸福的事莫过于有一个爱你的在你身边，侥幸的我遇到了，愿大家也如此，祝你幸福！

回忆

当我乘坐公车回家时，看到一班我的学弟学妹。这个时候的他们已经考完试，会有三个月大假。

看着他们就想到三年前的自己，也是很他们一样有着一大班的朋友。分开前一大班人一起去了云顶，离别时大家依依不舍彼此，三个月的大假好长，就好想快快过完。

人一长大，思想变成熟，一切变得不一样，失去最原始的纯真。大伙开始意见分歧，有争执，就像镜子的裂痕怎么补都有裂痕。坦白说我是一个中立的人，不管怎样，都不站那一边，我宁愿一个人也不介入其中。

实习回来后，情形更糟糕，一大班的朋友散的七七八八，乏力挽救只好接受现实的残酷。

现在的我更忙，我没有太多空闲的时间，无法出席大家的聚会。人生就是如此，像一部公车，我们都是公车的司机，看着人上上下下，人到站了就该下车，往另一个目的地前进。虽然觉得忧伤，但地球依然继续转动。。

好险没事了

一大清早就和老公吵架了，也不算是吵，只是我不喜欢别人答应我的事而没有做到，只是不喜欢老公不准时的坏习惯，向他发了小姐脾气。他则认为是公事，我不应该如此。

很早就到了公司，办了一些事才上去，怎知就收到他教训我不成熟的简讯。一收到时，眼泪差点掉了下来，觉得自己很委屈。过后，我也很不客气回了他一封有着“你诬赖我”的意义简讯。

当他开会间中歇息进来时，我不理会他，和另一名男同事讨论着公事。过后，吩咐完事后他又去开会了。这时，那位男同事就邀我一起吃午饭。想想肚子也饿了，就和他一起吃了一顿午餐。老公曾经对我说过，他不吃那套，所以不要用别的男子来气他，他不会有任何反应。想想老公一定不会误会，而我真得没有任何用意，反正只是一顿午餐而已，就和他共进午餐。

后来忘了带手机，就不知时间，结果我们迟到了。这时，老公开门看到我们一起，呵责我们迟到的行为，我自知理亏也没去顶撞他。过后，老公不大要理我。过了一会儿，才问我是否和那位男同事一起吃午餐，我才知道原来他吃醋了。

过后，老公蛮紧张我，字字句句都显露着关爱我的讯息。他还以为我故意气他才和那位男同事吃饭。我失笑得察觉原来老公好在乎我。后来，也好好地向他解释一切。与此同时，我也取笑他自己推翻自己的理论，这已不是第一次了。对我，他总有很多例外。

我想可以的话，他一定会贴上“我是他的专属品”的标签在我身上。

虽然今天生他的气，自己也有错，爱发小姐脾气，老公也有老公的错，但是也意外发现老公是如此在乎我，有一种很爽的感觉。哈哈！总的来说，我们就是沟通出现问题，下次我不可以再任性了！

A day without you

A day without you, I worry sick about your safety.
A day without you, I keep looking at my phone wonder why you are not calling me.
A day without you, time passed so slowly.
A day without you, I felt lonely.
A day without you, I felt uneasy.
A day without you, I can’t focus.
A day without you, I keep thinking of you.
A day without you, I finally know that I deep in love in you.

Lao gong, I love you..

Keep fighting!

Chose Jerry did not make my life became easy. I have to face more challengers.

First of all, voice of objection from church. It does make me felt struggle. I know my family wants to protect me. Their intention is good. I just don’t know that the drive which is behind me to make me stand firm regardless what you have said to me.

My boss makes himself very clear. He wants us able to perform. Keep focus on the thing he wants us to do. Exceed the expectation. We can’t talk about personal in the office. No call and sms allowed during office hour. He even asked Pang to monitor us. He has seen a lot cases of lost focus after fall in love, end up they give up their dream. He don’t want same thing happen on us.

I do have a mind to give up Jerry so that I can focus on my career more. Some more, because of him I have met a lot obstacle. In order to make my life became easy, I should give up him. But every time when I listen at his voice and met him then I regained back the energy to fight! One thing I very sure that this is a man I want hence I have to bear consequences. I will do whatever it takes to achieve my dream.

Thanks for obstacle, it makes me stand firm and keep holding on with my decision. It strengthens our relationship. It makes me more appreciate about this love.

Keep fighting!

老公

我们的关系明朗化后，老公决定向老板坦白。因为老板之前一直说不喜欢办公室恋情，所以老公还蛮担心。事业和爱情，他说他两个都要。但是，他很肯定地说他不会放开我的手。不管多么辛苦，他会拉着我的手走下去。

老板知道后还蛮开心，还自傲的称赞自己的第六感很灵，这是他预计得到的，怎么说我们两个都是他的爱将，他会赞成是可以猜测到的，我们暂时松了一口气。但是，老公说以后在同事面前会对我很凶，他一定会骂我如果我做错事，决不留情。所以，以后的路还很长要走。

今天休假，还在等老公把事情安排好后，才可以一起出门。虽然每天都见面，但是很奇怪，分隔一下好像几年不见。热恋的人都是这样的吧！老公说我很傻，从我眼中他看到我很怕失去他的眼神，也许太爱了。我竟变成他的原动力，我是他的未来计划的一部分。

老公一直问我为什么这么爱他，当我反问他时，我们都找不到答案。我们的结论是我们两个都中毒太深了！哈哈！

对他，我有一种特别的坚持，不管怎样就是要定了！

爱，爱，爱

生活如常，只是身边多了一个老公。在他面前，还真得不敢这么叫他。怕变成一种习惯，在同事面前这么叫他，难就糟了。。

其实，我们开始的很自然，没有谁想谁表白。没有深情的告白，只是大家心里明白谁也骗不了谁，心里彼此有好感，就这样开始了。。昨天，他对我说，要搞正式一点，要放一个日子，以后比较容易庆祝。我只是觉得好笑，干吗要搞到这么隆重，我还想象他对我告白的画面，忍不住大笑。

虽然和他一起，有反对的声音，让我觉得有点不适。当看到另一个朋友的故事，她可以说是第三者，虽然她很了解他不可能给她以后，但还是盘旋在泥窝，不能自拔。看了看她，又看了看老公，紧紧地靠着和握着老公，告诉自己要好好珍惜老公。

虽然和老公不是那种很深刻和刻苦铭心的感觉，感觉很普通没有轰轰烈烈那样。这就是我刚开始的感觉。但是我们的爱一天一天的加深，深得不知原来我这么爱他和需要他。但老公说，也靠近我也不能呼吸和心跳快停止了，我才发现原来我也是那样。哈哈。。

珍惜身边人。

new status

I have a brand new status which is I have attached! Finally.. Phew.. Finally got people want me lor.. :p

From my past blog, his name is being mentioned recently. Yup, my boyfriend is Jerry.

In many people’s eye, I’m good. Good in follow instruction and never against it. Nowadays, many people will find out that I’m bad because I refuse to follow what you said.

Sorry to those who are concern, this is my life so I have make own decision. Thanks for your advice! Sorry to disappoint you.

Many people disagree with my decision with Jerry. You think is too fast between us. I don’t know him well. He is non-believer.

My decision will still remain the same no matter what you said. I’m not a machine. You just to press a button then can change all the thing.

Love is blind. I don’t think it is apply on me. I’m very conscious about my every decision. Every decision you make is hard to please everyone, I will not make a decision based on majority’s opinion. What for? This is my life… I just want live for myself and happy with everything I do including love Jerry.

“叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留……”

树的告白：

我是树，会叫树的原因，是因为我擅长画水彩画，最爱画树，久而久之，我的画作右下方索性以一棵树来代表我。

大学四年交过七个女朋友，有一个女孩子，我很爱她，却迟迟不敢追。她没有美丽的面孔，没有姣好的身材，没有撩人的魅力，一个再平凡不过的女孩子。我喜欢她，真的真的很喜欢她，喜欢她的单纯，她的直率，她的可爱，她的“智障”，她的脆弱。

不追她的原因，也许是潜意识觉得平凡如她配不上我；也许是因为怕在一起后，一切的好感都会消失；也许是怕外人的指指点点伤害了她；也许是觉得，她会是我的，不用急着为了她而放弃一切。

最后这个原因，让她陪了我四年，让她看着我和别的女孩子厮混了四年，让她心痛了四年。

她 很想当一个好演员，但我却像一个严苛的导演。我和第二个女朋友在厕所接吻，被她撞见，她尴尬的笑笑说：“Go on！”然后跑掉，第二天，她眼睛肿得跟核桃一样，我故意不去猜想是谁让她哭成这样，嘲笑了她一天，她在所有人都回家后，在教室哭了起来，她不知道练球回来拿东西的我在门外就这样看了她一个多小时。我的第四个女朋友，一直很不喜欢她，有次她们两个吵了起来，我知道依她的个性不会去惹事，但我还是护着女朋友，她被我吼了一下后，愣住，眼泪滑了下来，我无视她的眼泪，陪女友走出教室，第二天，她依旧嘻嘻哈哈的和我开玩笑，我知道她很难过，但她不会知道我的心不比她好受。

当我和第七个女朋友分手时，我约她出去玩，玩了一天，最后我对她说：“我有事要对妳说。”“真巧，我也有事要对你说。”“我和她分手了。”“我和他在一起了。”我知道“他”是谁，他追她也有一阵子了，是个蛮可爱的男孩子，活泼有趣，充满了热情，追她追得满城风雨。我不能表现自己的心痛，只能笑笑地恭喜她，但当我回到家，心中的痛楚强烈得令我无法承受，像有个千斤重的石头压在我的胸口，我无法呼吸，想大叫却叫不出来，眼泪竟然滑了下来，我掩面大哭，多少次，我也看着她为了那个不愿承认的人掩面大哭。

毕业典礼时，我在手机上发现了一封简讯，这是十天前，我掩面大哭时传来的，只是我一直没有去看。

“叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留。”



叶子的告白：

大学时，喜欢搜集叶子，因为我觉得，一片叶子要离开它长期依赖的树，好勇敢！

大学四年，我和一个男孩子很好，不算男女朋友那种好，是好朋友那种好。但是，在他交第一个女朋友时，我学会了一种不该有的感觉：吃醋。心中的酸，不是一颗柠檬可以比喻，那就像是100颗的酸柠檬，酸到不行。他们只在一起两个月，当他们分手，我还得掩饰自己心中强烈的喜悦，但是一个月后，他和另一个女孩子在一起。

我喜欢他，也知道他喜欢我，可是，他为什么总是不追我呢？明明喜欢彼此，为什么不行动？每当他交一个女朋友，我就心痛一次，一次又一次的打击，让我不禁怀疑：是我一厢情愿吗？不爱我，为什么要对我那么好？他对我的好，已经不是普通朋友可以做到。喜欢一个人，好难过，我可以清楚的知道他的喜好，他的习惯，唯独他对我的感觉，我猜不透，难道要我这个女孩子去开口吗？

尽管如此，我还是想在他身边，关心他，陪他，爱他，也许算是一种等待的行为，等待他回来爱我，就像每天晚上等他的电话，等他的简讯，我知道，就算他再忙，也会拨出一些时间给我。这样的等待，陪了我四年。等待是难熬的，是令人想放弃的，但期盼等到的那一刹那，让人第二天会继续等下去。这样的煎熬，这样的痛苦，这样的幸福，这样的矛盾，陪了我四年。

直到三年级下学期，大二一个学弟喜欢上我，每天的热情追求，令我从一开始的拒绝，渐渐愿意挪出我心房的一些位置给他。他像一阵温柔而持久的风，撩拨我这片摇摇欲坠的叶子。到最后，我发现我已经不想只留一点点的位置给这阵风，我知道这阵风，会带我这片伤痕累累的叶子，到更幸福的地方。

于是我离开了树，树只是笑笑，没有挽留。

“叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留。”



风的告白：

因为我喜欢的女孩子叫叶子，因为她有一棵令她依恋的树，所以我要当一阵风，一阵呵护她的风。

第一次看见她，是大二我转来一个月后的事，个子小小的她坐在球场旁，一双眼凝视着同和我在球场的学长，每天的社团时间，她总会坐在那里，一个人或和朋友，她的眼光依旧凝视着他。当他和女孩子打打闹闹，她的眼中有泪；当他看向她，她的眼中又有了笑。看她成了我的习惯，就像她爱着他。

有一天她没来，我心中没来由的焦虑与不安，我无法解释那种感觉，除了不安，还是不安，而且那学长竟然也不在。我冲去他们教室，躲在外面，看见学长骂她，她的眼泪，他的离去。

第二天，她依旧坐在场边，看着他。我走过去，对她笑一笑，拿了张纸条给她，她先是惊讶的看着我，然后笑笑地收下。

隔天，她拿着纸条出现在我面前，然后离开。

“叶子的心太沉重，风吹不动。”
“不是叶子的心太沉重，是叶子根本就不想离开树。”

我回给她这段话后，她渐渐会和我说话，收我的礼物，接我的电话。

我知道她喜欢的不是我，但我还是有毅力一定要让她喜欢上我，四个月内我告白了不下20次，每一次她都转移话题，但我还是不会放弃，我决定要的人，我就一定会给她追过来！

一直到不知道第几次的告白出了口，虽然知道她一定会又说到别的事，但还是有一丝希望她的答应，没想到她都不说话，“你在干嘛？怎么不说话？”我对着话筒说。

“我在点头。”
“啊？”我不敢相信自己的耳朵。
“我在点头！”她大叫。

我甩掉电话，匆匆披上一件衣服，上了机车，冲去她们宿舍按门铃，当她开门的那一刹那，紧紧抱住她。

“叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留……”

我只是一个普通的女子，向往爱情。如果你给不起，请别说我不需要男朋友以及为什么我要。你又不等于我，你又知道我需要的是什么呢？请别说你对我的决定感到失望。

当我靠在他的背后时，突然觉得很累我很需要一个肩膀来依靠。当他亲吻我的发时，才发现我的心已被他的温柔打动。。

another wonderful day

Today I have a long talk with my manager. He pointed out all my weakness and urged to see my improvement.

I’m very thank God for him. He is my critical friend. Even his way is very straight forward. Every time I have a long talk to him, I definitely will cry. I could not control my tear. He keep remind me that tear is very precious and don’t simply let it came out. To be frank, I will cry wherever scold by people. I’ll improve myself and became tougher.

Finally, I find back my momentum to keep going. I will have a big breakthrough soon..

After end my discussion with him, I was with Jerry. My manager, Jack came to me again. He spoke: “So, you complain to Jerry already?” Erm… Hoi! Again! Why? Anything to do with me must relate to Jerry? I did write down everything Jack advised me. Jerry did force me to show him all the thing that I have write. Lol.. He is the one who wants to see.

Now, I busy for everything. I don’t even have a time to be alone. My free time is flooded by endless appointment dinner with friends. I do enjoy shopping alone. But, Jerry asked me to bring him along for next time. Maybe he is right because shopping alone is quite lonely. I get used that he is always beside me.

"have to" and "want to"

Last time, when I have a long talk with Jerry, we are discussion about “care”. I told him from the bottom of my heart, I know that when I became his team mate in the early stage all his care to me is “have to” not because he “wants to”. He admitted it. After our relationship is built, he begins to care me from his heart.

I’m old enough to differentiate what is genuine and what is artificial love. If you care people because you “want to”, please stop it. I will not appreciate it. You only make me felt that you are complete the task. Be sincere or else I will show you my face.

You might be felt that I’m changed. No, I’m not. I still the same. I don’t want be fake and put my mask to act the scene I don’t want to take part. As human being, we do have a feeling. People can felt it when they know that it is fake.

Forgive me if I hurt you. I just want be true to myself. I don’t want put my mask especially in front of you.

When the worship song is played, I could not stop myself to cry. I long for the intimacy with the Lord.

My life is mess. I’m finding the balance point between my career and my Christian life. Temptation keep pull me out from Your love, but You keep told me that You love me.

I really don’t want to fail this test. I don’t want my life without You. Even Your people fail me and make me felt disappointed, but I know my faith is not based on them but You alone.

I still remember Your promises. As long as I hold close on You, You’ll never let me go. Long for Your instruction came to my life again.

My choice is still run back to You.

tough

Today is super “heng” day for me! I was bitted by dog. Sob.. sob..

After I told my colleague about that, his reaction makes me felt want to faint. After very casual comfort, then he said “I did not take good care of you, Jerry definitely will scold me.” what???? It is me not Jerry bitten by dog!

Jerry did call me after I informed him. Both of us realize that everyone treats me as his “anak emas”. I’m been thinking whether this is a good thing or not. Like case today, everyone seems more focus him than me; in fact I’m the victim. Luckily, still have you whenever I need you the most.

I’m one of pioneer for company’s new division. Working hour is less and I have more personal time. The problem is my working hour is 3pm to 9.30pm. I can’t go cell group. Right now, I still adjust myself in division. To be frank and honest, I’m struggle in the new division and thought of change job keep arise. But, I don’t want to be a quitter and I should be an over comer! Challenger getting tough! I still find the way to balance myself and discover my weakness point to improve myself.

Be an over comer!

new challenge

I get shock from Jack! In the Thursday’s normal meeting, he announced that our team officially changes to new division. I just wonder why Jerry did not inform me first so that I can have mentally preparation. After that, I only know he also get to know about this on that morning.

I’m totally lost on yesterday and I don’t know how to handle the situation. Thanks for Jerry’s support even I know he is even more pressure than me. I try my best to give my moral support to him.

Jerry told me that he needs to go Melaka on Friday for training. In the morning, he asked me to take care of the group. After training class with Morgan, I gain back my spirit of fighting. Full recharged!

In the evening, Jack called me and asked me to do something. After that, I realize that I’m the one who coordinated the area. Again, I’m the one who need to manage the area but nobody told me about that.

This is the best chance for me to perform. To be frank, I hope Jerry is here for me. I strongly need support from him. But, our telephone bill will make us cry. So, I seek the help from Pang. Pang gives me a lot of solution for the problem. Thanks, Pang.

In this career life, I thank God for I have friends like them. Jerry is the one who always motivated me and give me all the support I want. Jerry can’t be my critical friend because he is pampered me too much. Even I’m the one who makes the mistake but he still side on me. He is my protector. Pang is my critical friend, he is able to analysis my mistake and problem easily. He guides me the way to solve every single problem I met. He is my mentor.


Jerry




Pang

This is the very first time to have dinner in my hostel after I’m starting my working life. I just felt relax.

Seriously think that I need to grow up and became more mature.

I was assigned to another team for today. When I know my buddy is the fellow I don’t like it and I begin to find the solution.

Well, the area manger can’t solve the problem and some more create another problem for me. He begins to break me and my anger is aroused. I could not control it and scold him back.

After that, I called Pang to ask him for a solution. By knowing he is busy and I don’t want disturb him and my problem remains there. Then, I seek help from Jerry. He called me. I was crying while he was speaking to me. Luckily he did not realize.

My performance is very bad! I could not focus my task. I should be mature to handle this entire thing. At the night, Pang called me. Again, I was crying while he was talking to me. The reasons I cry because people are care me.

The mistake today are in order to become leader, you can’t complaint. Don’t be emotional when people break you.

Be more mature and responsible! Don’t be emotional.

it all about learn

Become a leader is not easy. For past two days, I make a lot of mistake. I thank God for all this for enable me to be prepared to move another level.

Special thanks to Pang! I really learn a lot from him. He teaches me the way to handle the problem and reaction when the problem is occur. It is the time for me to grow up and make the decision.

Just now I have a long talk together with him. “Don’t worry, anything happen I still beside you to help you.” What he said make me felt very warm. Haha.. People around us are very concern about what we happen between us. To be frank, I don’t have any idea.

Let everything happen according to Your will.

drop by

Really long time did not update my blog. I busy with my working life. Truly, learning all the time make me became more mature and independent.

Well, my working is fruitful than my Christian life. I wonder that this is good sign or bad sign. I begin to realize why some people forget about God as soon as they stepped into working life. What I can do is just stay focus on God.

My leader is starting pump me up and pushes me to another level. The change is rapid and I learn to adapt it. More task and responsible are dedicated to me and I have to ensure that I can do all of them without fail.

Opportunity is in front of me. My goal is I’m the one being selected for next rising star trip. Do the best and be the best!

precious lesson

I was being highly motivated and challenged by a Thai girl. I just found out how dependent I’m.

She is a tough girl. She doesn’t know the culture of our country and she able to prove herself less than a half day. I was ashamed by myself. She has a good work ethic.

She started her work same day as me but we have much different in many ways. I have admitted that she is better than me.

What Jerry said also imparted me a lot. Your result did not come along by cross your finger and pray that God will do all this for you. It did impart me a lot! I know very well that God will be always on my side and I take it for granted. I misinterpreted word of God!

Just now I have a talk with other colleague. When he talks to me about how Jerry is overprotected me even though I was aware of it but I ignored it. I realize that I’m so dependent on him! While Jerry’s working area is different from me and Jerry told him that he was worry sick about me. He eventually goes there to find me. That day my emotionally strength is damn low but not because of him. I just need an encouragement to find back my momentum. He called me to check out on me and I informed him about that. After that, he came to meet me. He is pampered me too much!

I need growth to become more mature and can’t rely on people too much. Today I really learnt a lot from the Thai girl. Thanks God for this previous lesson!

Keep on fighting for my future!

a day with YB

Today I have a great privilege to talk to YB in Klang. YB is stand for Yang Berhormat.

For your information, he is the one who has the most authority in Klang. I never know that he is such great man. Before his identity being exposed, he was acted like normal citizen.

Even Jerry addressed him as YB; I still don’t know what is going on. After he left, Jerry starts to inform me how powerful he is. By knowing today is his birthday as well as to show appreciate that he joined our program, so I just send him a sms to greet him.

Little expected, he eventually calls me back and thanks me. I’m shock about this. I just felt very honor that I can receive the call from such powerful man.

Thanks guide from Holy Spirit, he is the one who lead me to the place. Once again, God is so real in my life!

workaholic

I never know that I’m a workaholic. Once before, I have perception that it will never apply on me. I just realize that I’m wrong.

My boss has given the command to my leader that I must go back on 7.30pm. My leader has forced me go back on that time. Jerry said I have strong team spirit. I think he is right. I can’t bear to left my team alone to go back alone.

Last week, I supposed to rest on Sunday. By knowing that my team is fighting to hit leadership criteria and I’m willing fight together with them. After I came back from church service, I rush to work. Even I was tired when I travel to destination but when I reach the destination, I changed and ready to work.

One thing I’m sure that I really like working environment and people over that. I felt bless for what God has done in my life. Praise God!

latest

After a week of working, I’m super tired! I’m surprise myself for being able to work for long time and still committed to my job.

My leader, Jerry treats me damn nice! When I need to go back early for cell group, he is willing to let me go to attend it. I touch by his care to me. He has a girlfriend already; I just felt that his girlfriend is lucky. I wonder that whether I can get someone like him as my boyfriend. Haha…

My boss also thinks highly on me. While I’m on my way to cell group, he called me. He asked me to introduce church member like me to work for him. I just felt that I’m not good enough. Just think back what Jack and Jerry did, I nearly cry. I was touch by them.

I’m willing run Jerry’s vision that will cost me many thing. Without vision and dream, people will perish. I felt very honor can meet people like them. Thanks God!

Right now, I still can balance between my Christian life and working life. Just reflect back about Jacob’s sharing after the prayer meeting. During that time, I was about to start my work and uncertain about my future. When he said let us shine together in marketplace for Jesus, I’m unclear about that. Right now, thanks God for able let me to do so.

Even there is somebody advised me that don’t forget about God, I was very unhappy for that! That person doesn’t have idea about I walk for more 30 minute for attended cell group. I walk until my leg is injured. I was angry for what he/she has said.

I just felt disappoint about why the church member is disappoint with what I have achieved in the marketplace. Anyway, I don’t think that be a poor Christian can show that you have holy faith.

Just like Pastor Robb Thompson's teaching, you must be aware the kind of friend will fail you. In my heart, I just know that I will never develop deep relationship with the person like this.

Am I too emotional? My answer is yes! Everything regards Jesus, forgive me became too emotional because I’m serious in Love with my Lord especially you doubt my love towards Jesus.

second day

Today is another working day. Super tired~~

My team leader, Jerry spent some time with me to train me. While he is having his tea time break with me and he asked me a FAQ. Do you have a boyfriend?

I just smile and told him that I don’t have any. After that he start to promote his friend to me, he try his best to tell me how good Pang is. I just turn down his kindness and told him that I would not accept a non-believer. He told me that Pang is a free thinker and asked me to bring him to church.

Well, I think I would not do so. It is because the purpose is different already. I should bring him to know God and not convert his religion for own purpose.

I just felt glad that people think that I’m the right person. Thanks God! Haha.. But, I still keep holding my standard which is if you are not Christian then we can’t go further.

Be the right person! Yeah!

sorry, Dad

Today is my first day working. I only undergo in house training and after that I can go back already.

Well, I don’t enjoy that much. It is because I’m super tired. After 2 days conference, my energy level has exceeded the maximum level. I need time to recover.

My dad called me just now, I felt bad because I can’t go back to meet him. I think I never meet him again after Chinese New Year. He is missing me. haih…

Dad, I'm so sorry.

i could not think the title for this

After 2 days conference together with Rev Kong Hee, I felt bless!

He is a man of God! Throughout whole session, we never lack of presence of God. I’m sure that Rev Kong is a key for the answer. He is able to bring along presence of God wherever he go.

This week, I just found that I was being prophesied by others for 3 times. Whoa~~~ I do hope that all of them will became true. Haha… In the service just now, I sit together with Suki’s aunty. She said that I’m finance minister. Oh my God! So nice~~

Tomorrow will be my first day for working. No matter what will happen, I just pray that God will always be with me.

happy birthday, Joseph

Yesterday was Joseph’s birthday. We purposely wait until the very last minute to help him to celebrate. He was shook about what we have done.

He told us that this is very first time he felt very touch about his birthday surprise. He was very happy until he wants to cry.

I felt very honor because I get this birthday boy’s prophecy. Thanks a lot, Joseph! He told me that he sense something about me. According to him, I will know a guy very soon who can understand me very well and I will like him very much. Joseph told me that the person will became my boyfriend. Whoa…. So sweet!

I don’t idea who is the one but I just felt very glad. Oh, yes! He is another Mr J in my life. Hiaks..

Happy.. happy.. happy..

room is clean

Time is showing 3.14am right now. I still not sleep and wait for my hair to turn dry.

The most meaningful thing that I’m done today is cleaning my room. I took more than 6 hour to clean it. I wipe every corner and I’m enjoying to doing so.

I felt so refresh after saw my room is clean.

Next week, I’ll busy for my work. I wonder that this is maybe the last time I can done for my room because I move out from here soon. Well, I still not find the suitable place yet. I don’t want share room with other people anymore. I prefer alone and don’t want to talk after a day.

Even I quite worry about my future but after I get promises from God and I felt more secure. I will never forget about encouragement from you also. Thanks a lot! I hope that my dream will turn to reality soon.

Thanks God for giving me a peace so that I have courage to face uncertainty.

my love

After I went for prayer meeting on Tuesday night, I thank God for You never fail to touch me again.

I can’t focus well in the first place; I have a lot of distraction. I keep telling myself to focus on You. After I sing a worship song, I still can’t overcome my distraction. A voice told me that keep your hand high and expected blessing from God. Even my hands was so tired, but I chose to obey the voice. As soon as I did what I was told to do, I heard my pastor said: “take a deep breath, when I counted to 3 and God will touch you”.

In my heart, I am thankful that I can be so sensitive to your voice. I’m still keeping my hand on high. Then pastor was starting to count, when number ‘3’ is being announced and I take a deep breath. After that, I felt the fresh touch from You. I weep and lost in the awe of You. You start to tell me that the journey is tough and as long as I hold you tight and You will never let me go. How a gentle touch from You yet it can bring a great impact to me.

I know that Your promises will came to pass. You still use people around me to remind me that shine for You in the market place while hold You close. I don’t idea how well I can be but I know that as long as I put my focus on You and You’ll always be there for me.

Deep in love in You, my Lord.

Mr J

I have so many Mr J in my life.

The first one is none other than Jesus. Jesus is my Savior and I can’t imagine what my life will be without Him. He is the center of my life. I learn to put Him first in whatever thing I do. I just love Him so much!

Jacob is one of my friends in church. He is a wise man in giving me a pierce of good advice. He makes me realize that how my mind is narrowed by the education system. If not him, I will be a normal fresh graduate who is seeking for job security rather than financial freedom.

Jack is my boss. He is the one who is constant concern for his employee. Even I will start for him on next month but I have received the sms from him. He is concern about me from his heart. I know that he will be the one of person that I can learn from especially in aspect of business.

The last one is my leader whose name is Jerry. Basically, he will do what Jack does. Sometimes, I found that it is annoying to receive his sms because he definitely knows what I’m doing from Jack. But, I appreciate for his attention on me.

I just received another sms from Jerry again and it makes me realize that my life is full of Mr J.

sotong

Recently, I have acted abnormally. I became very “sotong”. Alamak!

Just now, I left my key at keyhole. Luckily, no one took it. Thanks God! Another thing was I mistaken body shampoo as shampoo. Haiyoo…

Maybe I think too much…

put God first in everything you do

Throughout the whole week, I need to make a lot of decision that will determine my future.

Whenever I need to make decision, I like to ask people who really can guide me. Well, the problem still remains unresolved. Now, I finally find out the best way to make the decision. The solution is I submit myself to God.

Immediately right after my daily devotion, I get the answer for the decision that I should make. God is amazing! Once again, God prove again that I should fully dependent on Him instead of people. People around you can only provide suggestion because you are the one who run your life.

I have learned that put God first in every decision you need make. He definitely will answer your prayer. This is the very first time that I taste the feeling of firm after I make decision because I have faith on Him.

The choice you make will determine where you will stand tomorrow. My choice is set my eye focus on God. He is so real in my life!

at the cross road to make decision

After I went for today’s interview, I have strong confident to take challenger that I’ll face soon.

Well, the job is without basic pay and you will pay based on your performance. Maybe, you will think I’ll mad to make such “clever” decision. Before I went for today’s interview, I definitely will think as you are. The job opportunities do prepare me for the person I want to be. I’m still young and able to bear the loss. I have nothing and it does not cause me to lose anything. I really want to see how far I can go and how well I can be. If I lost, I can turn back to my starting point. The situation might be different if this is happen after a year. By then, I have a job already and I know I’ll never step out from my comfort zone.

What it really attracted me is on job training that I longed for. After I read “rich dad, poor dad”, I was thinking how I put it into reality world. I’m IT student without much knowledge in business field.

The working hour is long and it might cause me can’t attend my bible study group. My mind is full of the problem about my religion and my work. I think that maybe I should try to find another job which working hour is short and it will not cause me to have any problem.

I have the answer in my hand. I just wonder this is the answer came from God or Lucifer? I’m not interest in the job security. I’m looking for what I really learn and what kind of a person I’m. I’m only having this life to live and I just hope that through this I can know in the reality of world I can realize my dream or awaken me from this dream.

Before I can take management work, I have starting anything from bottom. I have approach people to join a program. Sound like direct sales? (I do felt so) But, the company is non-profit organization. The program that I’ll ask people to join is used Visa or Master Card to support the WWF funds. It is an awareness campaign to ask people to donate and save forest and endanger species. Bear in the mind that the payment is through credit card and the representative can’t accept the cash.

又是我

我发现我有一个问题，不只是好是坏。虽然我的脾气不是差到离谱，可是我的小姐脾气一发起来还不是一般人能阻止。

还有男生对我来说都一样，不管被别人讲到天上有地上无，在我面前只会原形毕露。就因我说话的方式不是很好，把我惹毛了，和我扛上了，王子都会变青蛙。

我是那种对人说人话，对鬼说鬼话的人。只要你是我的男性好朋友，都会破功。不管人家说到你的脾气有多好，你们还不是一样可以破口大骂我，在我面前发少爷脾气。对不起啦，不是你们不好，是我不好，就爱顶嘴，不然就话中带刺，所以你们的好脾气都被我磨完了，当然会引爆啦。当你们生气时，我绝对是后知后觉，小姐脾气也跟着来了，就跟你们顶上了。

不然就是文静的男生变成喋喋不休的人，因为我是“问题”少女，爱问，如果没有答案，就会被我烦死。话多了，戒心没了，所以当然是什么都可以说。

所以每次某某女生说某某男生时，除非你和我的关系很好，不然，我是不会揭穿“他”的真面目。只因我也习惯了你最真实的一面，如果你对我虚伪，我保证不会揭穿你，反正我才不屑与伪君子为友呢！

我就是一个这么矛盾的人，所以我的男性好朋友，你们就继续保持原状。虽然我会对别人对你的赞美大跌眼镜，安啦！我也不会轻易揭穿你。

interview

The making marriage work course is come to the end and I glad that I get the certificate. I graduated! haha..

After a very long break after I finished my studies, I went for my every first time interview.

Actually, I’m late for interview. The way the company interview people is quite fun. The boss interviews a few people at one time and it was like group discussion.

I did not answer well the question given by him. He asked me to define attitude and what can consider a good team work. I’m not interest to answer his question and I don’t know what I’m talk about. The last question was he requested me to ask him a question. Well, I make him talks a lot and it is seems like a one to one interview. haha…

At first, he is going not to hire person like me who cannot answer well his question. After that, he told me that I’m made him changed the decision and he is impressed by me. He is keep saying I’m impressed him. (LOL.. I really did not doing anything) When the interview is about ended, he tell the story about company and that time I thinking that whether I should go for the second interview or not.

So, after your performance impressed the employer then the second thing is what your employer can do to impress you. After interview session is ended, he asked me to stay back for few minute because he is schedule the second interview for me. He asked me to repeat what he said in the last moment. (Erm.. while he is speaking and I’m thinking about whether I matched the job or not.) Even I know what he said but I don’t remember it. Then, I ask him another question to escape from it (haha.. I make it. :p)

Before I left, he request me to turn out for the second interview. Ok, I’m thinking now.. What the boss reacted does make me happy and I can’t wait to share with you. haha…. Thanks God for all this! Well, my decision will always put Him in my priority. He will give me the best answer.

my birthday

Today is my birthday. Yeah! Last night, I have wonderful time together with my cell group members.

When I reach my hostel, I took photo together with Kherlit, Kathy and Jacob. Haha.. This is funny photo that we took. Jacob’s look is like …. (The animal which will show its tongue when it is angry…. Keke…) According to him, we are not cooperative. For my own opinion, nobody told us that the funny face should be like this. :p



I just love my present so much! Actually, I want a necklace with cross for a very long time. Finally, I get it! Thanks Kherlit!

i'm sick

From the picture above, it can tell that I'm sick. sob.. sob.. I need to rest now.

i'm silent because i'm upset

Girls tend to be silent when they are upset. How true it is? At least, it is apply on me. In the course of making marriage work, when my pastor said so and I’m surprising because I never realize that it does applied on me.

When I sad, I’ll not speak anything and my mind is wonder around. But, when I too tired and I also will be like that.

I’m emotionally shutdown during my secondary school because I did not meet an expectation that my mother and teacher have on me. Then, I started to felt discouragement and disappointment. Sooner, I’m numb my ability to feel and I don’t love anyone.

I seldom talks to my parents. The conservation always started and ends with scolding by them. I trained to be emotionally shutdown to them so whatever they talk to me and I’ll not respond to them.

Thing begins to changed when I have group of my friends with intention to melt an iceberg that is inside of me. They are important people to me because they make me changed a bit.

The tremendously changes is take place in my life after I have invited Jesus as my personal savior. I start to open up to the people around me and I start to love people. I have improved the relationship with my family members. I learn to love the people no matter how they treat me. Even something discouragement and disappointment do happen on me and I chose to overcome it because I know Jesus will always behind to watch over me.

One Life, One Love

One Life, One Love by BCS & KC

Who am I
That You would know me from the start
Set me apart
Who am I
That You would place eternity
Into my heart

You have given to me
More than this world could give
My purpose is found in You

One life, I lay at Your altar
One love, I have with You
Touch me again
Fill me as You hold
My outstretched hands

One word, You know I will follow
One heart, broken to You
Use me again
Your mercies follow me
For all my days

In Your presence
In Your power
Holy Spirit, I surrender

This is another song from City Harvest Church Singapore that touches me so much! In emerge Singapore; I know the answer why that pastor told me to be broken for the Lord.

In book Judges is about Gideon and three hundred men against Midianites.

…they blew the trumpets and broke the pitchers…

In order to let the light shine out, the pitchers must be broken. God will work through brokenness, but if you are not broken before the Lord, your light can’t shine off.

Be broken to Him. It is no longer I live, but Christ who lives in me.

单身

“很多人担心自己老了没有人照顾，便在突然发现年华不再时，匆匆忙忙寻找可以结婚的对象，真的结婚了，某一天醒来突然发现身边的人根本不是她想要的，然後接下来一辈子处在後悔当中。

可是又固执的不肯承认错误，认为结婚才算完成人生必经过程，对於其他的单身女子也多了催促，用著一样的话去威胁恐吓，好像所有人都得跟她一样，她的日子才会好过点，因为大家都一样，就算她不是找到最爱的那个，反正身边的人一样找不到真爱。

把生活焦点摆在「一切只为单身做准备」上头，她想的只有怎么照顾自己，怎么独自生活，而不是苦恼的想著要去抓住一个男人，离开单身这个身分。”

这是从某个网站抄写过来，写出我的心境。其中写的也是我友人的故事，他和她一起并不是因为爱，只是因为需要。我无法呵责他，这是他的选择。他却嘲笑我没有这种待遇，我不想多反驳他，我懒得对人解释这种小事，既然他这么认为我是一个没有吸引力的人，那我便是。这是他试探别人秘密的绝招，幸好没上当。嘻嘻！

出席新加坡参加脱颖而出大型布道会时，当台湾歌手刘耕宏当场向他女友求婚时，场面感人，我的眼泪夺眶而出，我无法控制，泪流满面。我还真不好意思，觉得自己太情绪化，后来才猛然发现和我坐在一的大部分女生也是哭得稀里哗啦。真爱难求! 也许，我被他们的真心感动，或者我伤心着我没有她的他。

当然，现阶段的我满意单身状况，如果没有让我触动我心的，那还是算了吧！我宁愿把时间花在想想如何增加我的财富。。

I’m strong disagreeing that money is root of evil because I’m believe that lack of money is root of evil.

women hard to understand

As a woman, I cannot understand well other women also.

Erm.. The story begins when my friend asked me whether I’m hometown already or not. Then, I informed her that I’ll stay here to search for a job. She is kind of angry to ask me why I don’t want come for her wedding.

After that, I recalled back that she is the one told me that her wedding on 8 July. I decided to ask her again. I’m right. The reason was she wants me to see her wedding photo. Phew…

I just felt something amiss and wonder she become so emotional. Suddenly, I understand the reason why. So, I text her again about whether she wants me become her bridesmaid. The answer is yes.

Sometimes, girls just assume that he or she should know what I try to say since he or she knows me well. LOL… Oklah, sometimes I also like that. I still learning.

emerge singapore 2007

Thanks for Kee Hiap fetched me to church on Wednesday night. After gather, we take a bus to go to Singapore.

It was not a peaceful journey, the bus driver keep on and off the light and I try to sleep as much as I can. Haih.. We stopped at Yong Peng to have our supper around 3am. We reached the Customs at 5am. Finally, we reached National University of Singapore (NUS) Prince George’s Park Residences before we get ready for service.

I have to say I’m too tired and I could not give my best on the first day. I can fall sleep while I’m standing during praise session. Oh My God! On the first day, all I know was I need rest and food. I’m hungry and super tired!

Here comes a second day, I’m still quite blurring on the morning session. After went back from Tampines Mall, I gained back my energy. I felt being recharged and I can concentrate the night session. Yeah! What a weird theory, shopping recovered back my energy! Haha…

Third day is definitely blast! The service is full of Love of God. Everyone over there was so touch! While we were waiting for bus, you can see everyone is urged to share how great the service was! We can fell the presence of God is strong! As for me, I also have strong desire to share with you about how great is our God! We are serving the awesome God! Yeah!

The last day is awesome! We never lack of presence of God be with us throughout the whole conference. He is so real! I can’t bear to depart from there. I hope I can linger more at there.

I love Your house because it is where Your presence dwell.

The conference truly inspired us! We are on fire on God! We are experience more about God! Well, it is required our obedience to keep the fire burning by daily devotion. It is not about how well you can begin it and it is all about how good you can end it.

To all my brother and sister in Christ, I’m blessed because you are my companion in this journey. Let us keep running together with Him!

part 1

this is part 1.

i'm back

Finally, I’m back to Kuala Lumpur again. I’m so tired! I should update friendster first or my blog, I don’t have idea. I just know that I need rest as much as I could.

More will coming..

relationship

Just now went out dinner with my friend. After that, my sister called me to ask me about my preparation to go to Singapore on tomorrow. I really not clues to pack my thing.

I told her about the dinner then her reaction makes me think a lot. Recently, my family is very concern about my future especially in terms of relationship with opponent sex. They always advised me to grab the chance and don’t let it go.

Erm.. My answer is I think it is impossible with them or else I’ll not go out with them. I know them more than 10 years. I admit that when I almost graduated and I have a feeling wanted to get married but now I more concern about construct own rich than anything.

I have not problem go out with my male friend alone because I know that they have not intention on me and we have a pure friendship. Otherwise, I would not go out with them.

Anything regards love, I left it to my Lord. He is the one in charge of. Just like what my pastor said that the job after for partner belongs to men and a girl has the right to say yes or not. I trust the Lord will give me the one and I’m very clear about all my decision. It is because my reaction is according to His will. If He allowed, then I’ll move or else I would not. I’m enjoying for waiting instead of worry about it.

I do pray for it and that is why I not worry about it. For bible said:

Mark 11: 24 “Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.”

hurt

Hurt is a negative feeling. I was being hurt by many people before. At the same time, I hurt someone else also.

Once before, if I hurt by someone then I will chose to ignore it. I avoided it and thought that my hurt will recover as time has gone by. I tried it many time and I failed to forget the pain.

After that, I decided to face and expose my hurt. I found that it is worked. Running from the reality does not help you and it is better you can deal with it.

Since then, I’m careful to make every decision and ensure that it would not bring hurt to anyone. Again, I’m wrong. It is impossible to make everyone happy for your decision.

My conclusion is man is hard to please. I’m rather to please God than to please the people.

my new toy

It is my new toy. Keke~~ Its name is Panasonic DMC-FX10. It came from Japan.

DMC-FX10

I back to KL again with my new toy which is Panasonic DMC-FX10. I will upload more pictures in the future.

In month May, i have watched 3 movies. Among the three, I strongly recommended Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End". It is very nice! However, you have to prepare 3 hours for this movie. It is a long movie but it is worth to spend time on it.

This is a shop nearby my hostel. I take this photo from my room.

in hometown

I have a good time in hometown. I’m still in my home. Nice~~

Now, I’m inside the cafe shop surfing the net while waiting for my sister. In hometown, I forget the verse “sleepless” because I have a good sleep everyday.

I watched live football match this morning. This is Champions League final between Liverpool and AC Milan. The result was AC Milan won over Liverpool. Well, I impressed the performance of AC Milan and Liverpool was not the opponent for them.

In my heart, I hope Liverpool can win even it is not. Inzaghi is one of my favorite football player and he definitely man of match for this competition. I so glad that I can watch this match. Well, Italian not bad, they are dominant for football matches. First was world cup final and now is Champions League.

Later, I will go for movie Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End". Actually, I not prepare to watch here but my sister invited me then I have not choice.

what i've done by Linkin Park

wow.. nice! i like Linkin Park.

relief

These few days, I’m depressed because of my mother’s illness. I could not do anything for her and I’m upset because of it.

I cried whenever I think of her. I round in the circle of depression. I’m not in mood to eat and sleep. Every food makes me wants to vomit and I have an endless sleepless night. I never face this kind of situation before and I know that my mother really means a lot to me.

Thanks God for released my pain. I realize that all this while I used my personal strength to overcame my depression. The sad thing is I can’t overcome and it was getting worst. Everything seems against me.

In today’s service, I break down in tear when I heard You said: “I’m behind you.” I decided to lift my burden and submit it to You. I started realize that I cease my daily devotion’s time recently. I did not talk much to You yet You’re always there for me. Thank you, My Lord!

We should pray without ceasing. The more we pray the more the strength we have to overcome challenger in our life. I could not imagine my life without You, Jesus.

情绪低落

又是一个难以入眠的夜晚！当姐姐告知母亲的病情亮起红灯的事时，我只有无尽的担心。

虽然母亲的病情并不会危及生命，但势必对她造成一定的影响，此刻的我却身处异乡，实为不孝。

我告诉自己在这里得把该流得眼泪流完，决不在母亲表现懦弱，我必须坚强地安慰母亲。想着她曾经对我无悔任劳任怨的付出，我已泪流满面，也是该我回报的时候了。

“树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在。”当我朋友告诫我时，我出资泰然，一副他们的事与我无关，大家都有各自的生活。现在想想，自己太自私，做任何决定都不把父母考量在内。

幸福

我已忘了幸福的滋味。昨天的晚餐，当友人问及我吃这份丰盛的食物有没有幸福的感觉时，我很勉强的笑了因为我回答不出这个问题。

以前的我是一个很容易被满足的小女人，就连一杯饮料都可以让我有很幸福的感觉，让身边的朋友不仅为我的举动翻白眼，都认为我是一个容易受骗的女子。

幸福，这个字离我好远。。

friendly?

When I went to Jabatan Imigresen, the staff over there really gives me a shock.

After I filled up the form and taken a photo, I went to counter to get the number. I remember my face was without expression. The staff looks very surprise when he looks at my document.

Staff: "Your birthday is on 16 June?"
Me: "Yup." (My tone is very normal)
Staff: "My sister’s birthday also on that day."
Me: "I see." (My tone still very normal, same day birthday ma.. nothing special)
Staff: "You are so friendly, just like my sister. It is because both of you have same birthday. So friendly."
Me: "My birthday on next month this day. Too bad, you can’t give me your birthday blessing." (I just give him a smile. Am I flatter? Haha.. I think I’m. Look at his face; I know he is happy with what I said. )

Sometime, I just wonder why people like to say I’m friendly. Even a stranger as him, I so puzzled. I don’t even smile to him, how he can say I’m friendly. I just felt shock. However, I don’t think so.

Sebastian, thank you very much!

Today, I get my passport. First of all, I really appreciate the help from Sebastian, thanks a lot! He is the one who fetch me go to Jabatan Imigresen.

I felt so proud to have friend just like him! Thanks God and I felt so blessed! When I reach there and filled up the form then I realized that I have to wait for 2 hour to get my passport after the payment.

I told him about that then I asked him to go back first because I can go back by my own. He rejected my request. He told me that he will be somewhere around there. I thought that he will go back to his colleague because his colleague is around there. He asked me to call him if everything is done.

After that, he told me that he came from his house to fetch me back. Oh My God! If I know this, I won’t call him.

In this life time, how many friend you can have just like him? I so glad that I have him as my wonderful friend.

Sebastian, thanks a lot!

By the way, this passport is valid for all countries except Israel.

2.16am, i should sleep

In this period, if UTAR student exits in campus will be the bad thing that means they might get supplementary test. Thanks God, I’m not! When I’m inside the campus, I overheard some student’s conservation. “I hope I can get at least D because I don’t want to retake subject again.” Another said: “Well, it came to the worst you still get D but I failed the subject.”

Most of the people I met today are student who takes supplementary test. I thank God for His wonderful blessing because I never take supplementary for my degree course. Yeah! His truly wonderful support and He never fail to answer my prayer. The time is tough and I glad that His promise to me comes to pass. What I can do to repay His great love and faithfulness? I pray, O Lord! Let me understand more about you and what I did can please You.

Finally, I bought the book I wanted so much which is Good morning, Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn. I want finish read Rich dad, poor dad first before proceed to it. Reading is my interest? Definitely not! Actually, I’m a very very very lazy person but the push can make me read a lot. My reading habit starts from Harvest Times, a publication of City Harvest Church Singapore. My push is my desire to know Him more.

My dinner is steamboat together with Pei Woon. Even it is just 2 person, I enjoyed so much! Soon, she might leave here for job offer from her hometown. I definitely will lose her; she is good kaki to shopping and talks to. Losing her, I’ll be sad. Will you be sad if you lost me?

friends n book

Just now, I have conversation together with my gang in University. All of them have training class in Amcorp Mall except me. My training class is different from them.

Some of them stayed in same hostel like me in the past. They were moved out. Sometimes, we have dinner together. I just felt something is missing.

The friendship between us can remain unchanged? The answer is yes and no. Look at my friend in hometown; everyone has his own life style. Sometimes, we do have gathering but there will kind of reporting about who has married, who bored children, their job….

Once before, I’m very good at information about my friend. Some of them will say that I’m a radio station. But, I tired for it. Now, I only became listener among them. I only updated their status in my databases. I’m interest no more about their gossip.

I’m reading a book that is called “Rich dad, poor dad”. I’m enjoying in reading it so much! I get the answer that I long to know. I’m excited in discovery the lesson that I can learn. I still have more to go.

Robert T. Kiyosaki, he delights me by his teaching.

Saturday, 12 May, 2.18am

Recently, I just found out that I can’t sleep for a long time. It is definitely a bad news for people so free like me.

Finally, I decided to go to Emerge Singapore. I must do my passport before next Friday. If you are the one also want to go Emerge and don’t have passport like me, inform me maybe we can go together. My first passport, haha…it is costs me RM300.

Many of the time, peoples want me to make a choice between love and friendship. Most of the time, I chose the friendship but I lost both of them in the end. Am I wrong just because I make myself clear? Sorry if I hurt you. I have been through tough time to make decision.

I trapped in a cycle which is people hurt by me and I hurt by others. I decided to focus on you, my Lord. I know it will end it one day. I just enjoy the process so much.

Love is not a love until it is given away.

test result

Your results:
You are Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman 82% Superman 65% Hulk 65% Supergirl 62% Batman 60% Catwoman 55% Spider-Man 50% Green Lantern 50% Robin 42% Iron Man 40% The Flash 35%

You are a beautiful princess with great strength of character.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz


huh? I'm a wonder women. Not bad.. haha..

i'm so free!!!

I’m not in mood for blogging. My days are dull. I’m super free and currently unemployed. You may think that it is so nice because I can enjoy unlimited freedom. I’m not thinking so. Aiyaa.. I forced myself to lend some book from library. Rich dad and poor dad, I never know that my library has such popular book. Since it is free and it can kill my free time then I just lend it.

I still go back to my university for extra class training until end of this month. Hopefully I can get the job before that. The thing is I still not in mood for applying a job. The resume with me was 1 years ago when I was used it for industry training. I never updated it since after that.

I know there is something waiting in front of me. I don’t know why I’m so confident that I’ll get a job soon. I know God will always behind of me, but I have to prepare before the chance is given. I just felt that I’m lame…

If you are my friend, you can find out that I’m be the one who talk to you in msn. Forgive me because people so free like me and tends to find someone to talk. Well, I get cold – shoulder from someone. That person saw my msn message then directly appear offline. I guess I have been bad in eye of people. Sob sob..

night in The Orange

I have a complicated feeling. I have rejected someone and hold by another guy on the same night. Last night, I have gathering with my course mate at The Orange.

Well, The Orange is a restaurant (I was being cheated by the display of the shop) but it was not that I expected. Actually, it is a pub. I don’t like the environment because it makes me headache. The music is too loud and environment is dark.

I try to make myself comfortable in such environment but I could not make it! My face can tell all of my feeling. My friend asked me “Why I look so miserable? Why you are not enjoyed?” I have pretended to give them a best smile I have but I can’t.

After that, there are a few people were starting drunk. I give alarm to myself to stay away from these people. I rather hid myself in a corner.

At the end of party, I thought I can leave the place for good but the things did not turned out as I assumed. MC started read out the wishes written by us. But, I did not take part of it. Little expected, my name is being mentioned in someone’s wish.

Chee Horng’s wish was he wish Tan Kok Lin and Tan Ting Fang can hold each other for 5 second. Huh? I was shocked!!! Law Chee Horng!!! I never expected I’ll the one of them. Luckily, Kok Lin left already. Phew.. Do you think I can escape? The answer is not! MC requested that since Kok Lin left already then Chee Horng should hold me. I strongly disagree! I was keep hitting Chee Horng and I really don’t want. At the end, I was defeated by the crowd. I have gone out to hold Chee Horng for 5 seconds. This is the longest 5 seconds that I ever tested. I just felt very embarrassed. Chee Horng tricked by other to hold Michelle also. LOL..

Another wish by unknown person was Tan Kok Lin and Tan Ting Fang can have a dance. Luckily that person did not pen down his name. I’m escaped from it. Thanks God! All of my gang was laughing non-stop. What? Why? My name was mentioned again..

LOL.. What happen to all my dear friends? Why you all keep saying Kok Lin and me? Even though I get used by this kind of rumors but the wish you write.. Aiyoo.. Special thanks to Kok Lin, thanks for you are not there.

Ok lor.. At least I have memory what I have done in graduation party. The party is over and the new journey is beginning. I’m can’t wait for it. Job + serving… Faith stretching.. I’m exciting with my journey with God.

6:49pm

Today is great day! Finally, I finished all my papers. Yeah!

After that, I went to One Utama together with my friends for movie. We were watched Spider 3. No comment about movie. But I have comment for a few young boys who were sat behind me especially the one who was sit right behind of me. Please, stop kicking the seat which in front of you.

I kept told myself that SLOW TO ANGER or else I think I’ll stand, pointing at you and said “hey, you! Please stop kicking, you are annoying!” Can you imagine that person behind of you keep kicking your seat for whole session of movie. I know your legs very long. After that, I realize my height is not that short and I started to sit on the seat straight to block his view. The outcome is sure, he stops kicking. He has sat straight because I purposely block his view. So, this is good way to solve the problem. :p

One day, when I was on my way went back from church to home in hometown and it happened something that I’m not forget until today. I was in Jennifer’s car. She also fetched another church member went back to her house. Inside the car, her son asked her a question: “Mum, isn’t Dad committed adultery? Why he did not come church together with us?” Three of us were shocked by this little boy’s saying.

His mum told us about his dad’s story. Actually, it was not like what little boy thought. His dad is free thinker. Before and even after married, he followed his wife to go to church. After she gave birth of child, he still remains go to church even he is not committed. When his child was 5 years old, the little boy is starting on fire to believe in Jesus. His dad turned to another person. He refused to go to church. He even quarrels over this matter with his wife.

In my heart, I told myself that I’ll never let this happened in my life. Thanks for my brother remind me that what I should do. I should have set standard for myself that if you are not a believer; please step out of my life. I don’t want push you in and push out by you. If you willing, we still can be friend. Other than this, I’m very sorry. Don’t always think that religious is not an issue. It is!

迷惘

迷失在人来人往的街道，我漫无目的的走着。对于陌生的景物，沉重的心大大盖过恐惧感。此时的我真想打电话向你你求救，想问你可以出现吗，我真得很需要你，我需要你的肩膀让我依靠，但想想还是不要给你造成任何困扰，我无助走着一段不属于自己该走的路。


乱了，望着这么陌生的一切，我只想走进书店沉浸在只有书的世界。最后，还是硬着头皮向一个警卫问路。真可笑！我的目的地只是隔了一条街。为什么明明看到那座建筑物，还往着反方向走。。


走进一间书局，待了一会儿决定该回家了。却和一位看我看到失神的男士对上眼，他不好意识的看向别的方向，我则面无表情离开那间店。我想他应该是认错人了吧！


吴淡如说，面对感情的失意，我们必须面对它而不是逃避。爱情是双方面的，两方相依，而不是一方严重依赖另一方，像寄生虫般。

haih..

Today is not a good day. I should have an interview on the evening but it was canceled on the last minute. I was in Star Transit already. Just left a station I’ll reach destination.

He even called me to confirm with me before I went for interview. When I was walked, he called me again but it is dangerous for answer the call so I can’t answer his call.

When I was walking, I realized my shoe’s heel is broken. Luckily, I still can wear it to walk. Not bad, I still can wear it to shopping in Petaling Street.

After that, the HR manager called me again and asked me to came again on Wednesday. What? I got an exam on Thursday. The manager refused to follow my schedule. I wonder should I skip this interview. Waste my time, effort, and money to go there.

HR manger: The manager said he can’t on Thursday to interview me.

Can we make it on Wednesday on 3pm?

Me: Ok lor. (I’m in bad mood already; do I still stand a chance to say no?)

HR manager: So, what time you want?

Me: 3pm (actually I want to said, are you ok? You are the one told me on 3pm leh)

In my heart, I have strong desire to skip this interview.

LOL.. Make me angry then purposely called dear Ting Fang.

meaning

Yesterday, I went for making marriage work course at my church. Wow.. What my pastor talk about is absolutely right for me.

What a girl said actually they are not meant it

i) Fine – girls attempted to end an argument. So men, better shut up!

ii) 5 minute – actually more than that. :p

iii) Nothing – calm before storm.

iv) Go ahead – when you told her about your decision, actually she is not permits you to do so even she said go ahead.

v) Loud voice – volume getting higher to show disagree

vi) That’s ok – apply on how and when you pay a bill for her

vii) Thanks – a word seldom use by girl

What a man said

i) I don’t care the color you painted, blue, red, pink, purple, black, green, yellow expect white

ii) It’s guy’s talk - rational talk

iii) It is hard to explain to you, it is too long – actually they are not idea about how it was

iv) Take a break – I can’t hear sound of TV, please turn off vacuum

v) It’s interesting – stop talking

vi) I have headache – too lazy to go out

In Kherlit’s blog, she mention about after go through the course she can be a good wife in future. It is only true for her. I think it is not apply on me. Because of I’m without any reason.

one more

Finally, I left one more paper to go.

Even though I still very busy. Tomorrow, I’ll spend my whole day in church. Monday, I’ll go Bukit Jalil for an interview. The interview time is a bit late and it is on 5.30pm. Erm.. I’m not sure about the job and I just go there for interview. Aiya.. People might not hire me. Just do my best.

Sometimes, I’m thinking what kind of friend I was in front of you. When people not believe in you, I still chose to trust you. What can I get? It is all about another pain. When you wrongly criticism me, you can pretend nothing happen but I still chose to forgive even my heart is pain. Maybe, you only want to be receiver.

Rev. Dr. Robb mention about there will be 3 kind of person in our life

i) Comprises always trying to get you to compromise your standards.

ii) Companions are those that are willing to accept you as you are, but no intention of working with you for your improvement.

iii) Commitments are those who are undeniably tied to helping you enter the future.

I still chose to love you because you are my friend.

男人与女人

男人是视觉的动物，女人是属感性的，这是我和朋友一起吃早餐的结论。

这就是所以有太多美女与野兽的组合，而帅哥和丑女组合较少。我身边有太多真实例子，女生都是大美女，而她们的男友的样子平庸，因为女生不是视觉动物。

女人确实属于感性的，所以女生对触觉是敏感的。所以，如果男生吗，不要随便动女生，尤其你对她没有意思，不要乱牵她的手哦。。

word of God

James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Before I went in exam hall, I read a harvest times which is a publication of City Harvest Church Singapore. I found these bible verses are speak into my heart. I found the peace that I longing for.

Word of God tells us that we should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. Many of time, we are more likely to speak rather than listen and we quickly get angry over what people told us.

Bible verses delight my day.

tuesday night

I was felt so blessed in Rev. Dr. Robb Thompson’s conference.

In book of 1 King 11, But King Solomon loved many foreign women, as well as the daughter of Pharaoh: women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites- from the nation of whom the LORD had said to the children of Israel, “You shall not intermarry with them, nor they with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love.

It clearly shows that who you marry is matter. These words are rooted in my heart, so I’ll take marriage seriously from this moment. Making right decision in relationship determined the outcome of your life.

Keep on looking, not felt discourage and keep on asking; it shall be open to you. In bible, book of Matthew 7: 7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, it will be opened for you.” This is promise of God, I will cling on it.

I have many plans after I graduated. I will attend the extra training courses in school, serve in church, and hopefully can go for emerge Singapore. Life is so meaningful. My desire to get marry is not that much. It will do when he comes in my life. I’m waiting for you…

THANKS

Special thanks to Boon Pei, Ann Chee, Lushim & anyone who involved for BIM case study’s answer. And……………Max combined answer and distributed to us.

I have to say thanks a lot! It is good to have you all as my BIS course mate.

I just love you all so much!

clear..

Tomorrow is my first day for exam. Surprisingly it did not bring much effect on me. My heart is restless when a song eternal flame was played.

I have strong desire to get married! I just want to get married without dating. I think I’ll mad soon. After that, one of my best friends has invited me for her wedding. Isn’t related? I don’t know. The wave was getting high.

Infatuation is a word describes my feeling for past few days. It does lead me into temptation of desire of flesh. Sometimes, it is good to be friend with a wise man. They will give you a pierce of good advice. I realize that I still immature when I make a decision.

Don’t take marriage slightly because God takes it seriously. Marriage is all about process and journey. You have to spend your whole life with him. Be wise! I’ll attend marriage course hold in my church to widen up my knowledge. My pastor said you will never know maybe your future husband is inside the same auditorium and both of you listen to same message. Wow… nice advertising and it does touch my heart to attend it.

I thank God for my brother and sister in Christ. Without your all guidance, I’ll be in big trouble. I just love you so much! Thanks. World of God? The choice is God, I’m running back to you now.

difference

The difference between the guy who interest on you and the guy who not interest on you

The guy who interest on you	The guy who not interest on you
He will ask you out	He will never ask you out
He eager to spend time with you	He reluctant to spend time with you
He will call you	He will never call you
He will look at you when he speaks to you	His mind is wondered when he speaks to you even he is look at you
He wants your full attention	He don’t need your attention
Even he is busy, he will never neglect you	He lazy to bother you when he is not free to entertain you
He care about you all the time	He care about you when he is free
He will respect you because he means it	He will respect you to show that he is gentleman
His view fall on you alone	Even you just beside him, he pretended that you are visible
He is interest all the thing about you	He is not interest to know about you
He hope can spent time with you alone	He avoided to spend time with you alon

The choice that you make today will determine where you stand on tomorrow. Be wise with your choice. I decided to put God first wherever I make a choice.